As politicians and their military commanders assess how to confront that group known as ISIS or ISIL, and which now wants to be called the Islamic State, the media carries on asking the question: who will stand up to them? Who will stand firm before them? Who will bring the sheer force of will to brush them aside? And who will bring stability and order to the Middle East?
(c) Doc Hackenbush 2014
Sadly, those questions are yet to be answered, except in one place, and that is the weird and wonderful make-believe world of former Tory MP Louise Mensch. In her reassuringly upmarket Manhattan apartment, she has it all worked out. Here, ISIS and its miserable acolytes are as nothing: all must yield to her dazzling repartee, her legendary humour, and of course her shafts of wit.
Yes, Ms Mensch mocked IS relentlessly, asking “does it bother you when the entire Muslim world says you’re unislamic [sic]?” If only she’d asked them. But here’s a belter: “why is your Caliph a fat git with a Rolex hiding in Mosul like a coward?” Wherever he is, al-Baghdadi is most likely wearing a $560 “Islamic watch” from Saudi based watchmaker al-Fajr. Five minutes’ Googling, Ms M.
Whatever – she knows how to stop the bad behaviour: “don’t you think football would be a better way to deal with all your sexual frustration?” Interesting assumption for all that killing. But do go on (she will): “will Fat Baghdadi cower behind a woman like bin Laden did when the Americans shoot [sic] him?” Lardy Binman did not cower behind a woman. Another quick Googling goes begging, eh?
But now came a little belligerence: “are you ready for Hillary? Cos she’s ready for you scumbags”. Ah, if only Hillary and her supporters were ready for Elizabeth Warren, though. What next? A challenge, that’s what: “why are you so gutless that your executioners hide behind a mask?” They should send her their driver’s licence? Get out of here.
The taunting continued: “why didn’t Allah stop the air strikes on the Mosul Damn [sic]? Could he be on the side of the Muslims you kill?” Deuteronomy 6:16, Luke 4:12, Matthew 4:7, Ms Mensch. Have another go: “are you embarrassed that your porky Caliph Fat Baghdadi is ten pounds of dung in a five pound bag?” That’s what you look for in a Tory MP, the ability to talk dung with confidence.
Anyhow, this ISIS lot are backward people: “we are coming for ISIS. We are going to bomb them forward to the Stone Age”. Yes, that’s why they’ve got state of the art weaponry and a social media presence. Try a joke to finish: “how do you like your camels? One hump or two?” Laugh? I thought I’d never start. They’ve got SUVs. And this person was allowed to become a Tory MP. After getting let in to Oxford.
That’s the calibre of Sun pundits: a very small bore indeed.