Don’t Menshn Douglas Carswell

The torrent of idiocy coming out of that reassuringly expensive Manhattan apartment never ceases to amaze: first, there was an article in the Daily Beast which was riddled with untrue statements, and then a tirade against Douglas “Kamikaze” Carswell, from Louise Mensch, who was caught lying about Piers Morgan, and then ran out on her party and her constituents.

(c) Doc Hackenbush 2014

Ms Mensch asserts in her piece for the Beast that Labour established Sharia tribunals (untrue), funds Sharia scholars (untrue), that the Law Society “issued guidance as to how best to disinherit women” (untrue), and that the Human Rights Act is an “invidious, broadly drawn law that a liberal judiciary uses to overturn deportation orders” (untrue). Why the Beast failed to fact check it is unclear.

And then came the hypocritical attack on Carswell: “Douglas Carswell was always a bit of a slimeball. He organised referendums against Conservative MPs”. That can’t unseat them. But she felt suitably important about her role: “I remember telling him what a dick he was to his face in No 10 at a PM’s reception he didn’t hesitate to slime to”. Says someone else who slimed their way in.

Anyway, Doug’s going to lose: “Carswell will do every bit as well as Roger Helmer did in Newark”. Helmer had not been the sitting Tory MP. Have another go: “What a self-indulgent, toys out of pram, whiny Labour-supporting tosser Carswell is”. Says the whiny one who gifted her seat to Labour when she ran off two years ago.

Like that thought would stop her: “Hope people of Clacton remember how long and hard Carswell tried to help Labour in Tory marginal Thurrock”. Was she all right? “Note to self make sure you’re on message for GE15 – Vote Conservative”. Every day, and in every way, she’s getting better and better. Or maybe not.

There was time to spit on the hand of friendship, offered by the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines: “I don’t drink, I don’t gamble and I don’t stuff my face”. Has she discovered perpetual motion, then? Whatever, she says Bozza should stand: “If he doesn’t put himself forward when needed, MPs and party activists will have contempt”. Not as much contempt as someone who forgot he’s applied elsewhere.

Oh look, real fantasy: “In order to exit the EU, we need David Cameron to be Prime Minister in 2017”. As if Young Dave would ever do the deed. Then there’s time for one last irony-free snark: “Listen to Douglas Carswell admit rebelling is childish, he regrets helping Labour”. If only one former Tory MP had been prepared to regret helping Labour – like gifting Andy Sawford over 48% of the vote in Corby.

Douglas Carswell may be accused of many things. But treating membership of the House of Commons as a career interregnum prior to piling off to the States is not one of them. Louise Mensch is right now standing in a very draughty glasshouse.