So, as The Commentator, in line with the dictates of The Curse Of Zelo, sinks slowly in the West – it’s all about the West, remember – a new shining light, as the Reverend Spooner might have put it, can be seen rising. A bringer of content, enabler of talent, highlighter of the most finely crafted jewels of the Web, and all undermined by the most intercoursing stupid name known to humankind.
Let’s put it this way: if you were fronting a group of Young British Artists, and were opening a permanent exhibition space for your collected collections, you would not this side of hell freezing over call it The Pretentious Gallery. But this is to reckon without the sadly overreaching ambition of someone for whom the word “pretentious” might have been coined: step forward Raheem “call me Ray” Kassam.
And so it came to pass that “Ray” had what Iain Dale, writing at ConHome, calls a “falling out” with the humourless Robin Shepherd, and departed from The Commentator. He has now set up Trending Central – no, don’t laugh – bringing the “content you’ve gotten used to me bringing you, but with more of an edge ... fast-paced, interesting news items”. Wow! Happening! Zap! Pow! Dull!
Wow! Tune In! Browse! Yawn! Switch Off!
He goes on (unfortunately) “Trending Central is always on the look out for hot new talent ... you can donate to us by clicking here [no link provided – must try harder]. Or failing that, how about hitting up a few of our advertising partners to steer some cash our way” Yo! Happening language! Young! Fast paced! Hey, and there’s a list of stuff that’s trending ... actually, no there isn’t.
This is yet more boring right-wingers, selected personally by “Ray” in accordance with his superior insights, which are, happening people, “pro-free markets, pro-democracy, pro-Western and pro-Israel in its outlook”. Yeah, the same drivel as at The Commentator, with a similar cast of Clever People Who Talk Loudly In Restaurants telling each other how sodding wonderful they are.
Behold the voice of grim reality
Kassam would do well to heed the reception he received from Damian Thompson at Telegraph blogs: “territory laboriously covered by [The] Commentator, Standpoint, D Murray etc ... There’s a whole breed of attention-seeking young right-wingers who want instant stardom without any apprenticeship”. If the man at Tel blogs says you’re peddling a bunch of boring nonentities, you’d do well to listen up.
But “Ray” Kassam is too full of wind and piss to even listen, and, it needs to be said, the name will only gain traction until folks figure out it’s the same idea as ConHome’s Must Be Read, yawn at yet more clueless RWNJs trying to bore the crap out of an audience that doesn’t exist, and go back to wondering if Asda are still doing four packs of Branston Beans for a quid.
Pencil in July 2014 for Trending Central’s first birthday, folks. If there is one.