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Sunday 22 January 2017

Tony Parsons Bunny Boiler Bilge

It has not been a good week for has-been Sun hack Tony Parsons, as he realises that not only do the citizens of most other EU member states not care about whether Britain stays or goes, but that their press is taking the piss out of our Europhobic media and compliant politicians. This news cannot be allowed to reach Sun readers. So he has launched on a bizarre rant where, once again, everyone is out of step bar Creepy Uncle Rupe.
UK’s not scared of the Brussels bunny boilers who reacted to Theresa May’s calm Brexit plans with hysterical, irrational fury” he blethered, going on to claimThe front page of German newspaper Die Welt, sneered 'Little Britain', even though her majestic speech spoke of a UK that was ready to embrace the world”. Yes, turning our backs on a market of 500 million people for no guaranteed replacement is really, really global.

But do go on. “OUR jilted EU partners are increasingly behaving like the Glenn Close character in Fatal Attraction … Our decision to end the relationship has left the EU hurt, humiliated and mad enough to boil your bunny … Hell hath no fury like a Little European scorned”. Yeah, right. Look Tone, I hate to have to break it to you, but … it’s like this, see … they couldn’t give a flying foxtrot. They aren’t sneering. They’re laughing at you.

Parsons is having none of that: he’s wrapped himself up in the Union Flag in an act of defiant delusion. “In our nation today, there is a growing awareness that leaving the European Union will restore us to our historical role as a global trading nation … We have been in the EU for decades. But we have traded with the world for CENTURIES”. And the only time we did well out of it, we bent the rules to suit ourselves.

Or did Tone miss that one? Empire Free Trade it was called, and basically it meant we got to screw over all those countries we’d subjugated, use their resources to enrich ourselves, and all the while keep Johnny Foreigner well out of the way. Well, guess what, Tony Parsons? All those countries don’t want to play that game any more. And most of our trade is with, er, the rest of the EU. Or did you miss that?

Indeed, if we were to double the trade we did with the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and India, it would still fall short of what we’re angling to lose by turning our backs on the EU. Still, on with the delusion: “Future generations will see our membership of the EU as an aberration. Our country ALWAYS embraced the entire world”. We trade with the entire world even as a member of the EU. And he’s missing one other detail.

We will not be threatened. We will not be bullied. And we prefer no deal to a bad deal” Parsons moans. But they don’t care. They don’t care, they don’t care, they don’t care. And they aren’t “Brussels bunny boilers”, are they? Look at those papers he’s slagging off - Die Welt is based in Berlin. DNES is Bulgarian. Le Figaro is from Paris, as is LibĂ©ration. El Mundo is based in Madrid, La Stampa in Turin, and the Irish Independent in Dublin.

They have stuff all to do with Brussels. All they are doing is reflecting the reality that Tony Parsons, and the rest of the Murdoch goons, are unable or unwilling to face up to. “Global Britain” is an empty vessel, an utterly meaningless concept. The rest of the EU has seen through Theresa May’s empty words and is laughing derisively at her impotent rage.

Poor Tony Parsons. He was credible 40 years ago. But now he isn’t. And never will be.


Anonymous said...

Poor boy's never really recovered from being dumped by Julie Burchill, has he?

pete c said...

I wonder whether next week he'll explain if this restoration of global trading supremacy will happen before or after we've been steamrollered and screwed over by caring, sharing corporate America. Currently rubbing its selfish hands in anticipation.

Just about the only country I can recall rushing to do a deal with the UK is the Windward Isles. No doubt keen to up the charges for a few thousand boatloads of bananas.

Mind you, Parsons does do blatant lying with a better grasp of language than many can manage. Any adoring public he can lay claim to must be briefly impressed.

Alan Clifford said...

Difficult to know which is worse......boiling a bunny or grabbing a pussy.

But easy to know Parsons is worse than both.

Simon said...

So much anger still coming from the leave side. Bizarre considering that they got their way (assuming we do ever leave, it's taking a while...). That and constant attempts to justify it and assure us that everything will be fine.

Very little actual reasoning though, just our 'British Bulldog' spirit and harking back to some long gone empire bullshit.

Anonymous said...

Poor Brendan O'Liddle Parsons