Boris Rapture Begins

There are few better examples of the disconnect between the Westminster village and reality than the return to national politics of London’s occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, who last night presented himself to the selection panel for the Tory Party’s candidate to fight the seat of Uxbridge and South Ruislip. And there were few better examples of rank dishonesty cheering him on.

Man of some of the people very little of the time

In the Blue Corner, waiting on tenterhooks for news of her hero, was serially dishonest Tory MP (yes it’s her again) Nadine Dorries, urging “OMG will Uxbridge just get on with it and announce!” She was given the good news by her bestest friend, the odious flannelled fool Henry Cole, tame gofer to the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines at the Guido Fawkes blog.

“Boris won on first ballot with more than 50%” enthused Master Cole, and the fragrant Nadine could hardly contain herself. “Yes! Boris. It has begun”. Cole agreed: “Doing London Live [so nobody’s watching, then] Never underestimate the Boris. He’s back”. The orgy of Westminster village back-slapping was in full sway.

Ms Dorries then, albeit inadvertently, let everyone know that the new king was not wearing a stitch: “Today is a great day, Boris is back in the team. His track record of amazing achievement in London can now be used to benefit all”. Sadly for Nadine and those of like mind, though, what Bozza has achieved in London is anything but amazing, and many outside the capital would rather not have the benefit of his expertise in spraying public funds up the nearest wall.

The people of Uxbridge may not have to suffer them, being out in the suburbs, but an increasing number of the unfortunate passengers who travel more than occasionally on Bozza’s new wonder bus wish they could either use proper buses, or be able to afford to take the tube. They are appallingly unreliable, as well as baking their passengers in summer and freezing them in winter.

But what voters on Bozza’s prospective new manor may not forgive is that thousands of them work at Heathrow (or have work that depends on the airport), yet he has been lobbying hard for a project that would see it closed and workers forced to either relocate to the other side of London, or commute out to the Thames estuary and back every day. His opponents won’t forget that.

And what the local UKIP branch will not forget is that, whenever push comes to shove, Bozza comes down firmly on the UK remaining an EU member state. Countering that by trading on his Mayoral accomplishments, which feature a combination of money wasting, appalling dishonesty, and passing off Ken Livingstone’s work as his own, may not count for much with Eurosceptic Tories.

Still, Master Cole and the fragrant Nadine are happy, so that’s all right, then.