As many have already figured out from his cheesy Life Stories series on ITV - a much longer and infinitely more tedious version of This Is Your Life, which at least had the benefit of surprise, and for those of us of A Certain Age, the excellence of Eamonn Andrews - and the use of Good Morning Britain to boorishly and predictably shout down guests, the journalistic range of former Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan is strictly limited.
But Morgan has connections. He knows people. And what’s more, he is never backwards in coming forwards to tell anyone in earshot that he knows people. He is famous for knowing famous people. Just don’t mention that the Daily Mirror, during his time as editor, indulged in phone hacking on a scale so vast that he didn’t know it was happening.
Morgan’s connections include Combover Crybaby Donald Trump, who he claims to have interviewed for ITV. This potentially serious breach of the Trades Descriptions Act was broadcast yesterday evening, trailed so extensively that discerning viewers were able to ensure they were sitting comfortably, and watching something else.
So what pearls of wisdom were imparted during this encounter between two old pals? Was there any use in it having taken place, let alone being broadcast? Strangely, there was a purpose to the charade, but not in the way either participant might have hoped.
While Morgan maintained his softball approach, eschewing the vulgarity of those proper political interviewers, Trump’s rambling incoherence showed the world that this really is the real-life incarnation of Chauncey Gardiner. And that should frighten anyone watching.
This is what The Donald said about climate change: “There is a cooling and there is a heating. I mean, look, it used to not be climate change, it used to be global warming, right? That wasn’t working too well because it was getting too cold all over the place. The ice caps were going to melt, they were going to be gone by now but now they’re setting records. Now they’re at a record level. There are so many things happening. I tell you what I believe in - clear air, I believe in crystal-clear, beautiful water, I believe in just having cleanliness and all”. That’s a hick speaking. But one that got elected US President.
Did he eat burgers and drink Coke? “I eat fine food, really from some of the finest chefs in the world, I eat healthy food, I also have some of that food on occasion... I think I eat actually quite well”. So that’s a yes, then. And on feminism?
“No, I wouldn’t say I’m a feminist … I mean, I think that would be, maybe, going too far. I’m for women, I’m for men, I’m for everyone”. He doesn’t understand what it means.
So Trump was not quizzed on all the affairs, the allegations of sexual assault, the Russia probe, North Korea, Iran, Steve Bannon, sympathy for racists and white supremacists, and his apparent inability to get anything done, barring a tax bill that will line the pockets of the well-off and leave his country indebted for years to come? On that, Morgan failed Journalism 101, and badly. But he inadvertently showed us his pal is an overgrown child.
It’s just a pity that he sought to normalise this grotesque, free speech hating, journalism trashing, bigoted, misogynist, ignorant, bullying fraud who watches Fox News Channel (fair and balanced my arse) and believes it. Call him what he is - unfit to serve.