Jeremy Clarkson – Pants On Fire

After loose-tongued Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson was caught on camera dropping what sounded like the N-Word, his reaction was to claim that he hadn’t said it: “I did not use the n-word. Never use it. The Mirror has gone way too far this time”. But the video released by the Mirror suggested he did say it. So, overnight, the line has changed, and he has ‘fessed up.

Wonder if I should just keep quiet for once?

Sadly, this came too late for the Daily Mail’s print deadline, and so the contribution of unfunny and tedious churnalist Richard Littlejohn appeared in this morning’s paper, a victim of events. In it, Dicky Windbag comes running – or perhaps that should be waddling – to the aid of Jezza, as it is claimed “Did Clarkson really use the N-word? No, says RICHARD LITTLEJOHN”.

Dick smears the Mirror, the speech analyst who checked out the tape, anyone at the BBC who leaked what appears to have been an out-take, and of course anyone who does not agree with Himself Personally Now. But here a problem enters: “At this point, it is customary to make a full disclosure: as regular readers know, Clarkson is an old friend of mine”. There’s no surprise for you.

And that doesn’t stop him moaning “His jealous enemies within the BBC are even reduced to sifting through discarded footage in the edit suite’s digital dustbin for ‘evidence’ to use against him. Pathetic. They must be really proud of themselves. Predictably, the ‘anti-racism’ professionals and the usual collection of social inadequates on Twitter want Clarkson’s head on a pikestaff”. Whatever.

In any case, Dicky Windbag was too late: “In a video statement posted online, on Thursday, [Clarkson] said that he had tried to obscure the word when reciting the ‘eeny, meeny, miny, moe’ nursery rhyme to chose between two cars, but that his efforts to do so ‘weren't quite good enough’” which means he now admits to having said it. The curse of Littlejohn strikes again.

And what Dicky Windbag will not want to hear is that the hated BBC is taking a dim view: “Jeremy Clarkson has set out the background to this regrettable episode. We have made it absolutely clear to him, the standards the BBC expects on air and off. We have left him in no doubt about how seriously we view this”. What may make it more serious is that Jezza has fallen into the same trap as Bozza.

Boris Johnson got the sack not for what he did, but for lying about it. Clarkson’s first move was to claim he hadn’t done something, only for the video to surface and demonstrate that he had. Pa Broon once admonished Damian McBride by telling him “It’s the lie that gets you”. Jeremy Clarkson was too busy ridiculing him to take any notice. And now the lie could be about to get him.

Nobody, but nobody, is irreplaceable. Clarkson may be the latest to find that out.