And so it came to pass that the report from the inquiry into those allegations against Damian Grope, Ashley Madison non-member and female party-goer toucher-upper with special responsibility for legal threats, landed on Theresa May’s desk, accompanied by an oversize container of Official Government Issue One-Coat Non-Stick Whitewash (available soon at the introductory price of £19.99 from your local B&Q Warehouse).
That's right Sir, both hands where we can see them
Despite the pie-in-the-sky talk from the Ron Hopefuls in the right-leaning press of the Empress Treeza enjoying some kind of Brexit talks victory bounce, the Tories remain vulnerable to any kind of shock, and that includes the S-word, as in Sleaze. So despite the clearly credible evidence against Damian Green, and the approaching press investigation into yet more allegations of misconduct, he is set to be cleared.
About to don her yellow gloves ...
ITV Political Editor Robert Peston, who called the Brexit business correctly last week, said “I am told by three well-placed sources that Theresa May’s deputy, the First Secretary of State Damian Green, will be informed on Wednesday by the Cabinet Office and his boss the PM that he does not need to resign - following allegations from former police officers that in 2008 there was porn on his House of Commons computer and from the journalist and academic Kate Maltby that he behaved inappropriately with her”.
... and administer some of this, basically
Now here’s a thing! And there was more: “According to several members of the government, no other women have presented evidence against Green … And the police testimony does not prove beyond all doubt that it was Green himself who was watching the porn on the parliamentary equipment - which should not have used in this way”.
These claims are disingenuous crap, although Peston is too kind to call it out. Green was described simply on That Spreadsheet as “Ashley Madison - handsy at parties”, which strongly implies that there is a worryingly high possibility that other women may come forward with similar claims to Ms Maltby in the future.
The reaction to the possibility that Green will get off scot-free has been one of dismay: former political editor Jane Merrick has Tweeted “If Theresa May saves Damian Green from resignation she will be sending an appalling message on harassment - this piece shows Kate Maltby was telling the truth”. Her reference was to an article in the Evening Standard, which you can read HERE. And she had more to say.
“Surely if the inquiry finds that Damian Green released information to help the Daily Mail's hatchet job of Kate, that is reason enough for him to go”. This was echoed by her fellow freelance James Ball: “If Damian Green or any of his staff had anything to do with the vile Mail hit pieces on his accuser, that alone is reason to go”. The Daily Mail’s hatchet jobs on Kate Maltby were down to the usual Dacre doggy standard.
And they are both right. But it is looking increasingly as if Green will be reprieved, thus showing that the Empress Treeza is not as strong as her admirers would have us believe.
So it’s back to B&Q for another container of that whitewash, then. No surprise there.