Ebola – We’re All Going To Die!

At around midday yesterday, there was an accident on the eastbound carriageway of the M56 near Runcorn. Four vehicles were involved; there were two fatalities. This was duly reported by the BBC. At Northcliffe House, though, such events were trumped by a story that has probably not claimed any British lives as yet, because it has lots more potential to frighten the readers.

What's so f***ing wrong with scaring the shit out of our readers, c***?!? Er, with the greatest of respect, Mr Jay

What is much more to the taste of the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre and his obedient hackery is Ebola. Because Ebola kills more people than motorway shunts. It’s highly contagious. And it’s already in the USA and Spain. So the Mail has gone into wibble overdrive on anything to do with Ebola. No stone has been left unturned in order to maximise the fright felt by the readers. And did I mention Ebola?

For starters, there had to be screening: “Why won't UK test air travellers for Ebola? Fears of complacency after President Obama announces tough measures at major US airports”. Oh wait, perhaps not: “Will airport screening REALLY stop Ebola reaching Britain? Passengers will now be checked after Government U-turn as alarm grows over health scare branded the 'next Aids'”. Make your minds up.

Who branded Ebola the “next Aids”? What the hell, it’s scary and it kills people. Look – it might be even scarier than thought: “Experts fear Ebola virus COULD spread through the air and not just through contact with bodily fluids”. And about that screening: “Screening shambles over Ebola: Passengers will NOT be tested with thermal gun - but will just be asked 'how are you feeling?'”. Run away! Panic!!

All of that is ridiculously hyperbolic, but, as the man said, there’s more. Someone at the Mail figured out that if they added terrorism to Ebola, well, it would be the ultimate frightener. “Could terrorists turn themselves into Ebola suicide 'bombs'? Experts fear ISIS jihadists may infect themselves to spread virus in West”. Oh just f*** right off. That is too stupid for words.

Doesn’t anyone in the Dacre bunker engage brain before ranting? Infecting themselves? And how is anyone in ISIS going to manage that, this side of the next decade but several? But there was an even more stupid scare on the way: “How The Simpsons predicted US Ebola outbreak in 1997: Episode shows Marge offering a sick Bart children's book 'Curious George and the Ebola Virus'”. Aarghh!!!

Is there even more of this idiocy? You betcha, says Sarah: “Has Ebola claimed its first British victim... or did he die from binge-drinking?” screams yet another OTT headline. The bloke hadn’t been to a country where Ebola is rife, and had been displaying considerable thirst over several days. What do you think?

Yes Ebola is potentially lethal. And it could infect people heading to the UK. But right now, you’re more likely to end up in another shunt on the M56. Boring but true.