The Rt Hon Gideon George Oliver Osborne, heir to the Seventeenth Baronet, sat down after delivering his Budget speech yesterday. The Government benches cheered him to the rafters, order papers waving in their hundreds. The Tory supporting press was on side. The opinion polls must surely now turn in their favour. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
Makes a change from selling dodgy motahs
Ah well. When you’ve made the mistake of giving the party chairman’s job to Grant “Spiv” Shapps, anything and everything can go wrong. As the favourable press coverage was being written up, Shapps Tweeted an infographic telling “Cutting the bingo tax and beer duty ... to help hardworking people do more of the things they enjoy”. Patronising, much? The response was damning.
The presence that is Doc Hackenbush was on the case in short order: “Hey Grant Shapps, I’ve revised your bingo graphic for honesty” he announced. The wording spelt it out: “That’s what you wretched proles get up to, isn’t it? So strap on your clogs and grab your whippets and have at it. We’ll be over here counting your money ... Conservatives. Patronising the shit out of you”. Ouch!
That the infographic was patronising (hardworking people being “they”), as well as unfortunate (by inference, Tories are not hardworking people), was lost on some MPs. “Great Poster!” exclaimed Rob Wilson, Reading’s answer to Fred Scuttle, seemingly oblivious to the storms of derision.
Also pushing back against the tsunami of ridicule was Mid Bedfordshire’s Tory MP (yes, it’s her again) Nadine Dorries, telling “Stop knocking bingo. Every holiday I had as a kid was paid for with the bingo winnings”. She still won’t be getting tea and bikkies round at Dave’s Den, Number Ten.
“Someone has just arrived in Twitter tonight” he mused. McCartney was incandescent: “Have you ever played bingo properly? Or enjoyed a beer ‘properly’? Thought not, as you’re a boring, pious, unhappy, sneering leftie”. Rattle out of pram or what? See, you rotten metropolitan Guardian readers don’t know how to drink beer “properly”! It’s not fair! My majority’s only 1050!
We the people are paying for clowns like Karl McCartney, Nadine Dorries, Rob Wilson and Grant Shapps. And on this form, they are only worth it for the unintentional hilarity. That’s not good enough.