A Day At The Races – Mandy Speaks

The discovery by the obedient hackery of the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre that many of those attending race meetings work themselves into an advanced state of alcoholic derangement, with some then enjoying a scrap for afters, has now prompted a sniffy rebuke from Amanda Platell, one of Dacre’s resident Glendas.

La Platell’s unsuccessful attempt not to sound patronising tells that “there were more tattoos on parade than on an average Ibiza booze cruise”, which reveals only that she goes on the wrong kind of holiday.

Mandy then turns her attention to Helen Wood, who was briefly involved with footballer Wayne Rooney. We are told that Ms Wood did not display “the smallest hint of shame or embarrassment”, and why the heck should she? She’s as entitled to have a day out as anyone else paying to get on the course.

But Mandy has made her mind up: this signals a “tawdry decline” for Royal Ascot, and is proof that “the vulgarians are taking over Britain”. If only everything were like the 1980s, when she first arrived in the UK from Oz (an immigrant to which the Mail does not object), when folks behaved with “civility, courtesy and good manners”.

This is total crap. In the 80s, I would occasionally visit a specialist brewery shop in York, where they sold their own bottled ale. It was on the walking route from the city centre to the racecourse, and the owner had no shortage of grim tales about Race Days. At the time of my last visit, he was considering shutting up shop when the Races were on, and boarding up the premises.

Folks have been behaving badly at a variety of events, indoors and out, for decades. We only see more bad behaviour nowadays because there are more and better cameras around to record it. But Platell carries on pretending that it never happened in the past, observing that women attending Take That concerts were “flashing their underwear for the cameras”.

Flashing their underwear? That’s tame. Amanda dearest, did you never think to find out about what happened at Tom Jones concerts in the late 60s? You know, over 40 years ago? At least the Take That fans kept their underwear on.

But La Platell does get one thing right, telling that “when you lower your standards, you get a lower standard of person”. Aye, like in journalism.