Digby Jones’ Royal Yacht - No. Just No

As the deadline for requesting an extension to the transition period approaches, so the attempts by all those jolly Brexiteers to divert attention from the fun and games that would accompany a no-deal Brexit intensify. And to show that the silly season has come early this year, alleged peer Digby Jones has joined calls for Her Majesty’s loyal subjects to open their wallets to raise a trifling £100 million for a new Royal Yacht.

This hokum is regularly wheeled out, and equally regularly wheeled back away. Had it been a credible idea, the 22 years since HMY Britannia was decommissioned would have seen it built. But, as so often, there was Christopher “No” Hope of the increasingly desperate and downmarket Telegraph yesterday, plugging the idea once again.

“Britain needs a new £100million Royal Yacht Britannia to provide 'morale boost' during coronavirus pandemic, former Trade minister Digby Jones tells this week's edition of Chopper's Politics podcast”. Digby Jones. A man who would not recognise economic hardship if it jumped up in front of him and kicked him in the undercarriage.

Nevertheless, he’s been prepared to claim “I don’t care what the politically correct ‘Liberal-ati’ from Metropolitan Islington say … it sells around the world like very few other things”, as the London Economic has reported, adding “Lord Jones said he hoped that the Duke of Cambridge would get on board with the plans”, an implicit admission that Prince Charles has already passed on the idea. So the proposal is going nowhere.

Still, Jones’ whizzo wheeze has been supported by the Tories’ own professional deadweight Mark François (note cedilla under the c), who has spluttered “Economically, we cannot tax our way out of Covid-19 so we will have to grow our way out, in which case a new royal yacht, as a floating embassy, but with strict biosecurity measures built in [rules you out, matey], would be a real asset in helping British business showcase ourselves”.

Sadly, the reaction from the Hoi Polloi was less enthusiastic, but perhaps more realistic, with Otto English musing “Yeah a new Royal Yacht will sort out Britain's catastrophic tail spin into oblivion and irrelevance. Well done Digby Jones. Finger on the fucking button”, while Matt Black added “Digby Jones can be the Gulag trampoline. That'll boost morale more than his royal yacht”. Cruel. Cruel but fair. And there was more.

R D Hale couldn’t take the idea seriously. “The Tories are calling for a new royal yacht Britannia to lift public spirits during the pandemic? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people?” while James O’Brien asked “If Digby Jones said that we should spend £100 million on a mile-high KerPlunk to ‘boost morale’, would the Telegraph report it with a straight face?” Given the paper’s descent into desperation, they just might.

Jane Haynes of Birmingham Live suggested “Lord Digby Jones of Birmingham needs to run this plan by the people of Lozells or Alum Rock or Yardley or Acocks Green and see how high up their community wish list a royal bloody yacht is”. And for the view from Europe, Jakob Krupa concluded “50,000+ deaths from global pandemic & counting … Expected mass unemployment … Major economic downturn on the horizon. No one: Absolutely no one: Digby Jones: let's build a £100m yacht”. So that’s a no, then.

Why is the Telegraph losing sales so rapidly? I couldn’t possibly comment.

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