Arsehole Endorses Asshole

With around 40 days to go before voters across the USA choose their next President, one of the candidates has just spent his fourth day - so 10% of the remaining campaigning time - slagging off a former Miss Universe. Forget the economy, defence, immigration, the environment, law and order (and, yes, guns), Donald Trump, nominated by the Republican Party, is spending his time conducting a petty personal vendetta.

Donald, where's your hairspray?

Worse, a slew of newspapers that have in the past endorsed no candidate, or gone with the GOP nominee, have come out against him, the latest being USA Today, whose editorial today tells “This year, one of the candidates - Republican nominee Donald Trump - is, by unanimous consensus of the Editorial Board, unfit for the presidency”.

The litany of charges against The Donald makes for grim reading: “He is erratic … He is ill-equipped to be commander in chief … He traffics in prejudice … His business career is checkered … He isn’t leveling with the American people … He speaks recklessly … He has coarsened the national dialogue … He’s a serial liar”. Yes, as the Stateside vernacular might put it, Donald Trump is an Asshole. But help is at hand.

We know exactly how he spoke up. He's an arsehole

Riding to Trump’s rescue has come a well-known English Parliamentarian to tell anyone prepared to listen “I’m a British MP, and I’d Vote For Trump In a Heartbeat If I Could”. Who might this chivalrous yet misguided presence be? Sadly for the GOP, it is Tory MP Philip Davies, whose less than benign presence the unfortunate voters of Shipley could well do without. Davies has been writing for Murdoch-bankrolled website Heat Street.

He says of The Donald “He is precisely the opposite of a quaffed, slick, well-prepared, believe-in-nothing typical politician … He came onto my radar a while back as he has essentially been waging as a one-man campaign against political correctness for some time. As someone who has fought a similar battle for years here in our Parliament, nobody will be surprised to hear that I can relate to that”. Yeah, right.

While he's an asshole

Davies, though, is uniquely qualified to endorse Trump, or indeed any other Asshole who may choose to run for elective office, as a recent Guardian report has shown. The MP had complained to the BBC Trust about a show in which comedian Russell Howard had described him as “an ‘arsehole’, ‘wanker’, ‘toad-faced hypocrite’, ‘windbag’ and a ‘shit for brains’” after Davies’ recent Commons filibustering.

Davies’ complaint was duly considered, and then rejected. So there is clearly no problem in referring to the MP an an Arsehole. From this we can deduce that, thanks to the efforts of his (thankfully) former colleague Louise Mensch, who oversees Heat Street, an Arsehole has now endorsed an Asshole for the US Presidency.

“It might not be popular in the UK to say it - especially with our metropolitan elite - but, for all his faults, I would vote for Donald Trump” says Davies. Isn’t it comforting to know that Arseholes and Assholes can come together across the linguistic divide?