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Monday 1 August 2016

Channel 4 Row - Kel Chickens Out

After former Sun editor Kelvin McFilth had gone after Channel 4 News for their effrontery in allowing a Muslim woman wearing a hijab to anchor the show at a time when he happened to be watching, the gloves rapidly came off. Thousands complained to press regulator IPSO. Presenter Fatima Manji also complained to IPSO. So did her boss. Kel was facing censure, and not for the first time in his singularly undistinguished career.
Would the Murdoch mafiosi manage to square things with IPSO, on whose board they had managed to place Rupe’s deeply unpleasant yet faithful retainer Trevor Kavanagh? If not, Kel could be in the mire. He decided that attack would be the best form of defence, and declared that he would make a complaint to Ofcom about Channel 4 News, on the grounds that it was not impartial. He would make his decision by last Friday.

Well, the deadline for Kel’s decision on whether to make his complaint has come and gone, so what news of the McFilth campaign against the press’ most hated broadcaster? He’s been taking a brief sojourn away from the rigours of putting aside an hour or so twice a week and rattling off another alleged column, but now The Great Man is back and ranting. What does he have to tell his army of adoring readers?

Sadly, Kel seems reluctant to share his thoughts with us today, at least on that particular subject. He devotes much of his column to whining about car-hire giant Hertz, telling that they ripped him off over insurance costs when he was in France, and that he is going to have his revenge: “I will be taking my case to the powerful Competitions and Markets Authority and Sajid Javid, the new Business Minister”. Yeah, right.

Like Sajid Javid has time for a witless blowhard like Kelvin McFilth. Why should he see Kel, anyway? “All car rental insurances should be thrown open to the market so that, as with price comparison sites, you can simply put in your details and companies will bid for your business”. Try reading the wording of the contract you signed on to, dummy. Others have tried and failed. And besides, what about Channel 4 News?
To get an answer to that one, you have to scroll down to the very foot of Kel’s column, and decode this snippet: “IF the new C4 dating show Naked Attraction, in which contestants have their faces hidden but display their penises and vaginas, is ever short of a large cock they could always ask the current editor of C4 News to appear”.  A plain English translation of this gem will tell you all you need to know.

What this means is that Kelvin McFilth has turned tail and chickened out of making a complaint to Ofcom. There are straightforward reasons for this: he’s a spineless coward, making a complaint would involve actually taking time out to engage brain, he’s spent much of the past few weeks slagging off Channel 4 (not helpful), and most importantly, his complaint would be laughed out of court. It’s not going to happen.

And he’s so yellow he daren’t tell his readers. What a sad and total loser.


Anonymous said...


Is that gutless cockney cunt still around?

Arnold said...

It hertz, it really does. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

It's not so much cowardice as the fact that he allowed his fat mouth to write a cheque that he couldn't cash. There is no basis in the Ofcom code for the complaint he had in mind, and he ought to have checked before making his rash statements. Yes, he's right to be embarrassed, but not because of cowardice (in this instance, at any rate).

Darren said...

"he ought to have checked before making his rash statements"

This is Kelvin McFilth we're talking about here. Several decades of undistinguished media service and he's never once checked a fact. All about gut feeling he is - irritable bile syndrome.

David Aust said...

Who's going to tell him that "new" business secretary Sajid Javid isn't business secretary any more? Can't he get anything right?

Stephen said...

He doesn't know much about anatomy either - if the women on that programme are standing upright they are not displaying their vaginas.

Man From Atlan said...

Stephen 1 August 2016 at 19:35 "if the women on that programme are standing upright they are not displaying their vaginas".

I suspect if Kevin were standing upright he might not be able to see his penis either :)

Stephen said...

It's amazing that The Sun are allowing words like that to be used at all though - do they still use "T*ts"?