Considering last week’s overwhelming Commons vote to trigger Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty, one might think that the Murdoch goons at the Super Soaraway Currant Bun would be basking in a warm afterglow this weekend, content in a job well done. But that thought would have been sorely misplaced in the case of washed-up has-been Tony Parsons, who is angry with his MP - although why that is, he appears not to know.
“Thank god this repulsive Labour Party will never again be anywhere near forming a government … There is nothing quite as sickening as a Labour MP who has suddenly twigged that they are on the wrong side of history” moans the pundit who is regularly touted - most recently by Amanda Platell on The Andy Marr Show (tm) - as being some kind of lifelong Labour supporter, which he most certainly is not.
But do go on. “Labour’s Tulip Siddiq, who resigned as shadow early years minister to oppose Corbyn’s support for triggering Brexit, came out with the tired old Labour lie that the 17.4million Brits who voted to leave the EU are xenophobic bigots”. Two things here. Labour is saying nothing of the sort, and nor is Ms Siddiq. Never mind, though.
“‘The reason why I’m taking the stand I’m taking is because, in Hampstead and Kilburn, we do not wince when we hear people speak in a different language on public transport,’ simpered Siddiq … Tulip Siddiq is my MP” he froths. Er, is there a point to this?
“Guess what, Tulip? I hear two languages at the breakfast table … My wife is Asian. Our daughter is mixed race”. Ah right, so Tone’s wife is one of those immigrants he blames all the traffic jams on. But it is still not clear what he’s getting at - unless he winces when his wife doesn’t speak English. Ms Siddiq was clearly not talking about him.
Then Parsons loses it completely as he turns abusive: “And you, Tulip, are exactly the kind of arrogant cretin that lost the referendum for Leave … And you, Tulip, are exactly the kind of intellectual pygmy who will prevent Labour from ever winning another General Election”. Oh dear, who rattled his cage? Who knows? And, indeed, who cares?
But on he drones: “So bring them all on … Bring on the Labour MPs who loathe their most loyal supporters”. He can’t be meaning Ms Siddiq or Himself - Parsons has voted UKIP for the last few years, or he has if you believe his rantings. And by now he’s lost all reason: “Brexit is killing Labour and nobody will shed a tear if it also kills the House of Lords. We are off the beaches and into the fields … And nothing can stop Brexit now”.
Well, if nothing can stop Brexit, what’s Tone’s problem? And why the highly selective quotation from his MP? What Tulip Siddiq also said, and what Parsons has cut out, was “In Hampstead and Kilburn we do not scapegoat migrants … We do not blame the very real pressures on our health system, our criminal justice system and on our housing by scapegoating others just because they do not look like us and because they do not sound like us”. Who might do that kind of thing? Er, the Sun and its pundits would, that’s who.
Tulip Siddiq voted on the Article 50 question to reflect the fact that her constituency voted heavily Remain in the referendum. In other words, she was responding to the democratic will of the people. For this, Parsons calls her a “democracy denier”, demonstrating that democracy is one of those flexible concepts when it comes to Sun pundits.
But good to know that Tony Parsons believes that those who don’t want to scapegoat migrants (well, not today in his case), and who don’t wince at hearing languages that are not English, are “arrogant cretins” and “intellectual pygmies”. Because those people, by his own admission, include him.
Tony Parsons needs to figure out who he’s fighting - and then get his arguments straight. But good of him to admit to his readers that he’s a cretin. No change there, then.