After our free and fearless press - well, that part of it under the control of the Murdoch mafiosi, anyway - had begun to soften up its readers for a Tory leadership challenge from London’s formerly very occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, and Bozza had obliged them by slinging his “Suicide Vest” dead cat on the table of political discussion yesterday, reality began to bite. So his friends are rallying round.
Despite the Sun feigning surprise that Bozza’s long-suffering wife Marina Wheeler is highly likely to cite his adultery in the divorce papers - she’s a stickler for understatement - it is clear that Team Bozza is going to experience severe turbulence in getting this one safely landed. So coming out to bat for him has been (yes, it’s her again) Mid Bedfordshire’s representative for Narnia, Nadine Dorries. She should not have bothered.
The fragrant Nadine began as she meant to go on - in a paranoid wonderland: “#Chequers is the new disastrous dementia tax. The PM in a bunker, acting alone, not consulting, not listening, failing badly as the clock ticks. She’s handing the keys of No10 to Corbyn and the shadows of Putin, Hamas... she cannot go on. It’s over”. Wibble. Hatstand.
Chequers is a negotiating position, actually. But she was serious in her backing for Bozza, and told Sky News so. “‘I have not stuck a knife into Theresa May.’ @NadineDorries says it is ‘the end of the road’ for the PM as she gives her backing to Boris Johnson”. So it would only be the end of the road for the whole country, instead.
Then she took out the king-sized onion as she contemplated Bozza the victim. “Don’t underestimate the vitriol that’ll be directed towards Boris today He delivered the leave vote, remainers and wannabe future PMs hate him. If he becomes leader (and PM) he’ll deliver a clean and prosperous #Brexit. They are terrified of his popular appeal”. Bozza wouldn’t know Brexit if it jumped up and kicked him in the undercarriage.
But Bozza was definitely the victim: “The question is, who benefits? This dossier was drawn up by the PMs staff. Who instructed them to do that? The PM is wholly responsible for the actions of her staff. Who stands to lose the most as Boris gains in popularity? I think the source of the leak must undoubtedly be No10”. The (then) Foreign Secretary was a security risk. No competent PM would not keep tabs on his wanderings.
Anyway, it was all someone else’s fault. “When it comes to Boris, remain Conservative MPs on the left sound like immature, foot stomping celebrities during a GE - threatening to leave the country if their party doesn’t win. They never do”. Has a Tory MP threatened to leave the country recently? No, thought not.
And Bozza has a USP she can sign on to. “Delighted that Boris is committed to scrapping the ridiculously overpriced HS2”. Except he hasn’t. And he won’t. And don’t start me on Bozza’s legacy of waste from his eight years at City Hall.
Nadine Dorries exemplifies those Tory MPs who can’t view the political landscape beyond the ends of their noses. Bozza has no idea what he’d do with Brexit, or indeed anything else, if he became PM. And that, in any case, isn’t the point. It’s all about him.
And they allowed her to become an MP. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
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