Pointlessly trying to extend the shelf life of a story that has run its course for now, the inmates of the Northcliffe House bunker have lapsed into a combination of creepy voyeurism and self-parody as they keep on running stories about former Tory spinner Carrie Symonds, famous nowadays only for being romantically involved with London’s formerly very occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.
Geordie Greig: not an auspicious start to his editorship
We know that Ms Symonds has been seeing Bozza for some months now: the real story, but the one that our free and fearless press dare not publish, being that they all knew the Foreign Secretary was behaving in a manner that constituted a security risk, and was not giving his day job his full attention, but said nothing.
And now that we know that, as well as the various details of the affair, we need not know any more. Sadly, this level of understanding is too much for those at the Daily Mail, where the considerable talents of Simon Walters have been wasted in cobbling together a slice of clickbait drivel called “Boris’s beach blonde’s X-rated play: Glamorous PR guru Carrie Symonds, 30, starred in ‘satanic sex cult’ based on writings of unabashed occultist”.
Among all the information we do not need to know, the sub-headings tell “Carrie Symonds social media posts show her in a variety of glamorous poses”. So they’re going for the One Handed Sad Bastard market, then. Do go on. “One of the photographs shows her holding a watermelon while on holiday”. Christ on a bike, “Evening squire, know what I mean, nudge nudge, wink wink, melon eh? Melon? Nod’s as good as a wink to a blind hack”.
I’m sorry, but this is pointless. “One of the photographs shows her on a beach, thought to be Saint-Tropez on the French Riviera, holding a watermelon”. Oh well, if it’s Saint-Tropez on the French Riviera, why didn’t you say so in the first place? I mean, that puts a totally different gloss on it, doesn’t it? Er, no it doesn’t. This is just crap.
“Another image showed her drinking a glass of rose while on a balcony wearing a bikini”. What the f*** is “Rose Wine”? Roses don’t make wine. Oh I get it, it’s crap subbing and it should have said Rosé. Or even Gris. Can it get any worse? Dare I ask?
Carrie Symonds: not quick enough on the social media account shutdown
It can. And it does. “But the most shocking pictures show her performing in an X-rated play. It is thought she took part as a drama student at Warwick University, where she studied from 2006 to 2009 … The production was based on the writings of self-styled mystic Aleister Crowley – an unabashed occultist who revelled in his infamy as ‘the wickedest man in the world’. He died in 1947”. And, so what?
Taking part in a play? What’s so wrong with that? Oh, hang on a minute. “Crowley’s form of worship involved … the use of hard drugs, including cocaine”. That would be a significant number of Mail staffers bang to rights, then.
I know the Mail specialises in trawling through targets’ social media accounts and presenting the contents in a way that suggests they are Very Bad, as well as Not Being The Daily Mail’s Kind Of People, but this is total piss.
If the Mail has nothing useful to say about Ms Symonds, then it should say nothing.
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