Simon Danczuk - Useful Idiot

The reality of Labour politicians appearing in the Murdoch Sun - that Rupe’s downmarket troops only ask them to contribute so they can, (a) trash the wider party immediately, and then (b) trash those foolish enough to volunteer at some later date, has been lost on one nominally Labour MP, and indeed on his wife. Step forward the comedy turn who represents part of the Metropolitan Borough of Rochdale, Simon Danczuk.

Behold the representatives of Themselves Personally Now

Under the headline “Karen’s Selfie Service”, readers who have not instinctively already turned the page are told that “SELFIE queen Karen Danczuk cools down under a shower after a hard day’s pampering from her MP hubby … The 32-year-old relaxed by the pool on a Spanish holiday - stretching out on a lounger while Simon, 48, fetched bubbly in an ice bucket and massaged her shoulders”. Go on.

“Karen also took photos of herself for her army of Twitter fans … judging by these pics, if she snapped her fingers Simon would come running”. I’ve cropped the rest of the image: one has standards to maintain. Danczuk and his wife don’t have a clue, do they? Let me enlighten them. It is not going to end well for any Labour MP daft enough to prostrate themselves before the Super Soaraway Currant Bun. Period.

Image cropped to avoid boring repetition

The Murdoch faithful are using useful idiots like Danczuk to kick all the Labour leadership candidates - except Liz Kendall, who the Rochdale MP is backing. But this does not mean either of them will escape the wrath of Rupe for long: if Ms Kendall wins the leadership contest, the Sun will promptly turn on her - and her supporters - and the paper’s hacks will be building up a store of dirt in readiness.

Danczuk, and anyone else in Ms Kendall’s corner, must know this - and if not, they are deluded. But Rochdale’s finest doesn’t seem to care: he’s written for the Spectator, another media outlet that is more interested in Labour losing than any kind of electoral success, and of course he’s supped with the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his rabble at the Guido Fawkes blog. Talking of which …

Worst political miscalculation, more like

… yes, there he is with Staines - who looks, let us not drive this one round the houses for too long, ratarsed, the odious flannelled fool Henry Cole, whose facial expression suggests someone has rammed a rod up his arse, and newly anointed teaboy Alex “Billy Liar” Wickham, who is living the tragic early onset of male pattern baldness. Combing it forward won’t delay the process, sadly, Alex. Best be honest or get yourself an Irish jig.

The Fawkes rabble also have no interest in Labour doing anything other than losing, no matter who leads or otherwise represents the party. The only reason they humour Danczuk is (a) so Staines can perv over his wife, and (b) so they can laugh at him. Yes Simon, you’re not being taken seriously. You’re the comedy turn, the clown, the idiot provincial. They’re not laughing with you, Simon: they’re laughing at you.

And I do hope, Simon, that you didn’t miss the Queen’s Speech debate for that holiday.