The obedient hackery of the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre continues on its mission to demonise anything and everything to do with the EU: having run all those scare stories about the Greek holiday island of Kos - and helped to royally screw the local economy as a result - the Mail has now turned its attention to the possibility that not everyone who makes supermarket sandwiches is a British national.
Why the f*** should I wear gloves for work, c***?!? Er, with the greatest of respect, Mr Jay
“How they make your lunchtime sarnie: It's very hands-on at Britain's biggest sandwich factory, where migrant workers help churn out THREE MILLION a week” proclaims the headline, which tells you that this is about “them”, “migrants”, and most controversially, “hands”. One can almost hear Dame Edna warning Barry not to eat at any of those restaurants where “they don’t clean their dirty digits”.
[UPDATE 9 June 1435 hours: the Mail is clearly concerned that not enough people were put off their food, migrants, or both yesterday, and so Rose Prince has penned another attack piece today, which tries to scare punters over what goes into those sandwiches.
"We have to take Greencore’s word for it that strict hand-washing regimes are a better deterrent against cross-contamination" she tells, before going completely OTT. "But never mind the bare hands; what about the rubbish inside some sarnies? We are often talking about food that is downright fake and overpriced. For example so-called meats that are actually a glued-together mush of pulped pork, starch, sometimes proteins made with animal blood plasma, water, (lots of) salt, preservatives and flavourings. On packaging this rubbish is identified as ‘re-formed ham’".
There's more: "Phoney sauce is another likely ingredient found in the mass-market sandwich ... The starch, so often used as a bulking ingredient, is simply a flavourless material, usually derived from maize, that is a cheap means to add weight to sauces ... Softness, the ultimate sign of freshness in modern yeast bread, is faked with the addition of enzyme softening agents ... There is very little information as yet as to possible health problems caused by baked enzymes, but they are known allergens and it is irksome that they enter our digestive system, which has its own delicate balance of natural enzymes".
As Sir Sean nearly said, I think we got the point. By this point, no reader would have been surprised to see the Mail demanding the skull and crossbones be applied to sandwich packaging. And the remedy to all this? We should make our own sandwiches. Which would no doubt be made up from bread and other ingredients from the local supermarket, about which the Mail could then run yet more stories. This is just scaremongering crap.
The Mail's remedy for not being scared? More time pressure on their readers - and throw lots of people out of work. Cos more than 50% of them are Polish. Pass the sick bucket]