Twitter Grudge Match - Kassam Routs Teaboy

Once again, Twitter has seen an episode reminiscent of Hamilton versus Fayed: you just wish both protagonists could lose. Fortunately the most pretentious and least savoury one just did, after Raheem “call me Ray” Kassam, now in the USA until the authorities there realise he is more than worthy of deportation, and Tom Harwood, replacement teaboy to the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines at the Guido Fawkes blog, had a little altercation.

Pretentious? Who, Moi?

What time is it Eccles?

Who to favour to lose this contest of intellectual featherweights? While that question was being digested, there was also the thought that Kassam, formerly big pals with Staines, might have fallen out with The Great Man. Or perhaps he was just jealous. But he has got one thing right: Harwood is good at gobbing off, but there is no substance behind it.

“The European Union is a nationalist project” he wibbled yesterday evening. Several times. Kassam disagreed. “The EU is not a nation, you late-born boomer” (lack of self-awareness, much?). So what is it then, Sherlock? A donkey undercarriage? “Imperialist”. Yeah, right. Rather later in the evening, Harwood wibbled again.

“You denying the European Project is about building a sense of pan-European identity and nationhood now Raheem? That’s a change of tune!” Come on Ray, let’s have a bit of the old wit, then. “I don’t think I’ve ever ‘gone on’ about those things. But please keep proving your double digit IQ credentials”. Ouch! Cruel. Cruel but fair.

“Hear UKIP is in need of a new leader if you want to drop your hat in the race again” tried Harwood, managing not to use the correct “ring” rather than “race”. And not impressing anyone. What say Kassam to that offer? “Sorry mate busy across the Atlantic, maybe you could convince your cokehead mates to have a go?” Not going well for Tom, is it?

Also, Ray wanted everyone to know that Harwood was “Tory, not conservative”. Because he’s a “Goldwater Conservative”, don’t you know. And he was there before Teaboy Tom. “Someone doesn’t understand the distinction between imperialism and nationalism and honestly... it’s painful. Harwood et al were latecomers to the Brexit cause, having sat on the sidelines until it became popular. Now they want to define Britain’s trajectory.”

This touched a raw nerve with Harwood. “Honey fact check I was on team Brexit before Cameron even proposed a referendum”. “Honey”? At this point, Kassam realised the implications of the five-hour time zone difference and came to the all too obvious conclusion. “Oh God, you’re drunk aren’t you?” The possibility exists.

But he wasn’t finished putting the boot in yet. “Call me Ray” doesn’t let go without being just that little bit nastier than his opponent, and so it proved. “While I was defining the trajectory ahead of the referendum fight, Harwood was begging BBC producers to put him on TV. You should hear what some of them have to say about what he... ahem... offered”.

High tackle, late with it, and studs up too. Richie says Harwood retired hurt for no score.

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