Harry Cole Shoots Himself In The Tweet

Yesterday brought the inevitable tightening of restrictions on movement, socialising, travel and business more generally as the Government admitted that the Coronavirus was advancing through the population at a more rapid rate than previously. The first of no doubt many regular briefings by alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson saw him not at all tight-lipped, but certainly ashen-faced, as the grim news was given out.

Will be a real journalist one day. But not just yet

And for the obscenely overpaid part of the media class, which means most of those hacks and pundits whose presence is allowed to grace the airwaves, the bad news was that they could no longer venture out and wave their wads at upmarket restaurants, or dedicate the occasional monkey to spending sufficient time in the Rub-A-Dub that they and their pals became Elephants Trunk and Mozart. One of their number was not happy.

That individual was the odious flannelled fool Master Harry Cole, still pretending to be a real journalist, but at the Mail on Sunday. “New advice: Stop all non essential social contact. Crikey. avoid pubs clubs and theatres” he exclaimed. What would he do for six evenings a week now? And then a darker and infinitely more stupid thought entered.

“Note to all those Brits sneering at Americans queuing to buy guns at the scariest time since 9/11... don’t pretend the same would not happen here if it could. You don’t have a moral high ground over those wishing to protect their family and property. Zip it”.

This especially stupid outburst soon proved to be a campaign destined to develop not necessarily to his advantage. Even Rachel Johnson, Sister Bozza herself, was unimpressed. “How can you say that we Brits would ever regard the solution to any crisis or threat on home soil as /more guns’?” John Mollins was yet less impressed. “So who or what do they intend to shoot? Their fellow American who's lucky enough to have loo roll, pasta or hand sanitiser? The coronavirus? Away and have words with yourself”.

It got worse. “The reason we can sneer is because it can’t happen here. We have been way too cognisant of the dangers that come with freely available firearms. It isn’t just geography, it is a moral high ground of which we can be proud” … “It can't happen here. Which is, in fact, very much the point”. Then came former Guardian man Michael White.

“Those guns more likely to harm their purchasers & their kids - via suicide and domestic accidents - than any bad ass burglar coming down the chimney, who (as a US police chief once told me) is more likely to use the homeowners gun on them”. Quite. Steve Jones added “In what alternate universe can I fight off Covid-19 clusters with a handgun or assault rifle? Moral high ground aside, it's definitely outright stupidity”.

Niall Paterson of Sky News tried to let Master Cole down gently. “We sorta do, Harry. Given that the ‘same would not happen here if it could’ because it can’t”. And one enterprising Tweeter simply replied “#MoronaVirus The entire nation rose as one and screamed …”. For Cole to fuck off. And then fuck off some more.

Harry Cole was a clueless buffoon in the days when he was writing the Tory Bear blog. He still is a clueless buffoon. Consistency is a most reassuring virtue. Except not for him.

Enjoy your visit to Zelo Street? You can help this truly independent blog carry on talking truth to power, while retaining its sense of humour, by adding to its Just Giving page at

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/zelostreet5

[The Legalballs Fund has now closed]