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Monday 31 October 2016

An Appeal To UKIP Members

[Updates, two so far, at end of post]

Normally, Zelo Street pays little attention to the views of those who have not only lent their support to UKIP, but have also joined the party. But we now face a very different political environment: the Kippers have secured the victory they craved for so long, the referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU went the way they wanted, and now the party has to find a new reason for existing - as well as a new leader.
Vote Kassam, vote certain oblivion, UKIP people

And that is where my appeal comes in. There are three serious challengers to succeed Nigel “Thirsty” Farage: one is sensible, a second is slightly off the wall, and the third is so screamingly batshit as to guarantee the imminent destruction of UKIP as a political force, although as a comedy genre, the possibilities would be endless. Here on Zelo Street, we like a good laugh. So the more ridiculous the candidate, the better.

Whoever you UKIP members vote for, please don’t vote for Suzanne Evans. She is so sensible and mainstream that she might even retain the party’s support and build on it. She’s so sensible that she thinks it’s a good idea to be able to go for a beer and not come away from the bar reeking of stale cigarette smoke. She wants to make UKIP “friendlier, more approachable [and] broaden our appeal”. Don’t vote for her, whatever you do.

You might want to vote for Paul Nuttall, the comedy Scouser whose act blends the myriad subtleties of The Pub Landlord and Alexei Sayle with an ability to lie through his teeth effortlessly and loudly shout down anyone of dissenting view. Nuttall claims to be a unity candidate, but UKIP in his hands would be very much on the edge, if only of credibility. Vote for him if you have to. But there is a far worthier candidate.

And that candidate, backed by major donor Arron Banks, is Raheem “call me Ray” Kassam, who also has the backing of the convocation of the irredeemably batshit otherwise known as Breitbart London. Kassam claims to be of Muslim parentage, but has found going down the Rub-A-Dub and becoming Elephant’s Trunk and Mozart much more to his taste, as well as, er, bashing Muslims.

As Matthew Norman at the Independent has opined, “Ordinarily, you could dismiss this Islamophobic Muslim, Trump-worshipping friendly acquaintance of EDL stalwart Tommy Robinson as just another attention-seeking alt-right huckster hoping to parlay a piddling knack for causing offence into a media career. But since Kassam is the choice of Aaron Banks, the insurance dealer with the £100m fortune who bankrolls Ukip, there is a decent chance that he will win”. As Cloughie might have said, “he’s a clown, young man”.

Kassam is a self-promoting buffoon, an empty and unappealing nonentity, an obscenely immodest individual with much to be modest about, a deeply ignorant being whose knowledge of the world beyond his comfortable metropolitan bubble is as empty as his swollen head, a dustbin of right-wing quote generation, for whom the complications of differing points of view are a mere inconvenience to be quipped away.

Raheem Kassam is not fit to shovel crap from Heap A to Heap B. As such, he would be an ideal leader of UKIP, and would drive the party into the ground within a year. So, dear Kippers, I urge you to Vote Kassam, then stand back and see the party you love depart this earth in a blaze of self-inflicted destruction, never to return.

[UPDATE1 1000 hours: fourteen minutes after Zelo Street published this post, Kassam Tweeted that he was throwing in the towel and chickening out of the UKIP leadership race. A number of variously creative excuses have been advanced for the move.
The reality is that Raheem Kassam regarded the whole thing as a self-promotion exercise, a mere publicity stunt, and when faced with the prospect of actually doing the job for which he had been campaigning, he turned tail and ran away.

So UKIP survives - for now]

[UPDATE2 1135 hours: Michael Crick of Channel 4 News has gleaned information which confirms my view, telling "Friend of Raheem Kassam suggests he wants to get to US quickly, to help Trump campaign, with view to getting a job if Trump wins".
Which confirms what I already said, that Kassam was using the UKIP leadership contest as a self-promotion exercise. His exit and flight to the USA is yet another self-promotion exercise. There is only one point in all he does, and that is the promotion of Himself Personally Now.

That Arron Banks has been duped into backing a self-promoting con man does not augur well for the Kippers. So there is a silver lining in Kassam's departure, after all]


J said...

Really bad timing on this post... he's quit the race. Probably realised that he couldn't delete all his twitters, and Batshit-Breitbart articles, quick enough to hide what an absolute cockwombling fuckwitted spunkflute he really is.

Dave Eyre said...

And just a small point but anyone leaving a bar reeking of cigarette smoke would have the bar is serious trouble - smoking not allowed in bars.

But nice writing :-)

Rivo said...

@Dave Eyre - I believe the reeking of cigarette smoke is a reference to Farage's outspoken opposition to the ban on smoking in pubs...