Don’t Menshn Whittingdale

As the full horror of the Mail On Sunday’s revelations about Culture Secretary John Whittingdale sank in, the number of those still ready to stand behind the MP for Maldon began to dwindle. But somewhere in a reassuringly upmarket corner of Manhattan, there was still one pal willing to defend her former Parliamentary colleague, pretend that it wasn’t really happening, and make a total fool of herself in so doing.

(c) Doc Hackenbush 2014

Yes, back on to the airwaves in no style at all has come (thankfully) former Tory MP Louise Mensch, who not only believes that Whittingdale will remain in post, but that he can be talked about as a future Prime Minister. She began this particular cycle of pointless ranting by whining at Natalie Rowe, before signing off by trying to smear Peter Jukes.

First port of call was to smear Ms Rowe as a “lunatic”, although she “is just a lying tool - not genuinely mentally ill”. That’s mighty fine of her. But should she have used words like that? “Yeah apologies to lunatics for comparing them to liar and fantasist Rowe”. Staying really classy was clearly the name of the game.

Hadn’t circumstances prove Ms Rowe right, though? “No they haven't. She's a barking mad liar and has all the credibility of Diane Abbott on banking”. This was cut short by the kind of riposte Ms Mensch should get more often: “Anything else to say now you've topped up on your medication of vinegar & piss?”

Having failed to put one over on Natalie Rowe, she moved on to slagging off Peter Jukes, after reading Andrew “Transcription Error” Gilligan’s article in the Telegraph. Barely able to contain herself, she gurgled “Terrific journalism by the Sunday Telegraph exposing @PeterJukes @BylineMedia and @HackedOff in #WhittoForPM smear … Absolutely brilliant seeing @PeterJukes and @BylineMedia/@HackedOff exposed over #WhittoForPM”. Sadly, Gilligan had written a total pack of lies.

Did that put her off? You jest. Now she widened the field by having a go at journalist James Doleman: “Hey @JamesDoleman any comment? Hey @JamesDoleman @PeterJukes I have a further inquiry into your 'crowdsourced funding' shall I email for comment?” A debate between her and James Doleman I would pay to watch. Because I know who would win, and it wouldn’t be Louise Mensch.

Still, onwards and, er, onwards, eh? Now she briefly trolled Hugh Grant: “Seriously @HackedOffHugh you seem mostly alright do you not disassociate yourself from this disgraceful stuff?” before finishing on the lamest of lame notes. “Can we talk about your flat Peter and your crowdsourcing funding for tweets?” What was that about digging up the year before last’s tired smears? Still, if you’re being dishonest, why not carry on, eh?

Louise Mensch has backed John Whittingdale, who is now fatally damaged, and Andrew Gilligan, who has once again been exposed as a serial liar. One only wonders how much more of this inspired picking of winners she can manage. And remember folks, they allowed her to become an MP.