While the official line from the right-leaning part of our free and fearless press this morning is that alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is heroically battling the forces of darkness in order to bring the nation yet more of that chaos that no-one wants, rumours are beginning to circulate that he is poised to chicken out of fighting the upcoming General Election as the Tory candidate for Uxbridge and South Ruislip.
A total Muppet. And Elmo from Sesame Street
Bozo The Clown saw his majority in what should be a moderately safe Tory seat cut from 10,500 in 2015 to just 5,000 two years later. The thought has entered that his less than stellar performance as Mayor of London, plus his U-turn over a third runway for nearby Heathrow Airport, may see Labour wipe that out completely next time round.
Hurdy Bozo an' de chucky
Indeed, last July Emily Ashton of BuzzFeed News penned a piece titled “Boris Johnson Could Become The First PM To Lose His Seat. This Is How”. And attention is now turning to the ultra-safe seat of Sevenoaks, where Sir Michael Fondle, oops, Fallon is standing down after a long and illustrious career of being caught groping Julia Hartley Dooda.
That is the target of the rumours, as Paul Sylva noted yesterday. “Boris to stand in Sevenoaks! Any truth in this?” Marie Marr was aghast. “Arrrrgh!!! An MP just mentioned Sevenoaks for a possible constituency for Boris Johnson as not sure he'll be reelected in Uxbridge. We don't want him thank you very much”. And there was more.
The Tweeter known as Mad In Croydon reminded us all that Sevenoaks leans Remain. “Well if he does and stands on a single issue GE let's hope both Boris Johnson and the Tories get the upset they deserve from Remain Sevenoaks”. To which local Lib Dem councillor Mark Ellis added “I am sure that Boris would look after the constituents of Sevenoaks like his family … Spend as little time with them as possible and pretend that some of them don't exist”. Ouch! What say local Labour people?
They’re ready and waiting, it seems: “So, sounds like Boris Johnson might be moving to Sevenoaks because he’s scared of losing his seat. I’ll tell you this: if he thinks it’s easy, I and the rest of [Sevenoaks CLP] will show him that he is very, very mistaken”. Also, Bozo’s recent visit to the area did not go well. “Boris Johnson suffers brutal heckle during garden centre visit … and this in Sevenoaks - a Con safe seat!”
Back with Ms Ashton, she was there yesterday evening to hear Bozo delivering another of his lamentably bad Commons performances, noting “Labour MP Stephen Doughty tells HoC he hears that Boris Johnson might abandon Uxbridge to stand in Sevenoaks or elsewhere. Johnson shouts back: ‘Vote for an election and you'll see!’”
And Pippa Crerar of all people - Bozo’s old cheerleader from the days when she was at the Evening Standard - was also there. “Labour MP [Stephen Doughty] asks about rumours that Boris Johnson is planning to ditch his marginal Uxbridge seat in favour of safer Sevenoaks or East Yorks (Michael Fallon is standing down but Greg Knight er, isn’t) … PM blushes on the front bench”. The blush of guilty admission.
Brave Bozo is about to chicken out once again. What you will not read in the papers.
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