It has been said time and time again that the only person who can stop London’s formerly very occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson from becoming Prime Minister is himself. And so it came to pass, as with the worst possible timing, Bozza finds himself splashed across every front page this morning for reasons which will play very badly with his electorate - the members of the Tory Party.
Having split from his long-suffering second wife Marina Wheeler, Bozza has been shacked up with current partner Carrie Symonds at what, it seems, is her flat in South East London. But the path of true love has not run totally smoothly, and on Friday morning neighbours were woken up to the sound of a truly monumental Domestic, along with shouting, screaming, and what sounds like a very broken laptop.
The Guardian, which has a recording of the row, simply told “Police called to loud row at Boris Johnson’s home”. But the tabloids were having none of that restraint stuff. The Mirror offered “Tory ‘PM’ Sensation … COPS CALLED TO BORIS & LOVER BUST-UP”. The Murdoch Sun - normally Bozza cheerleaders - went with “Carrie ‘Screams’ In Flat … COPS’ 999 DASH TO BORIS BUST-UP”. And the Mail front page was a joy to behold.
The legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre may be gone, but the inmates of the Northcliffe House bunker still know how to go Full Dacre: “POLICE CALLED IN AFTER BORIS ROW WITH GIRLFRIEND … ‘Get off me … get out of my flat’ … What neighbours heard Carrie Symonds, 31, scream at PM contender after midnight fracas”. It wasn’t just a Domestic - it was a fracas! And it involved a 31-year-old woman!
Blimey brethren! Beano Boris blundering bozo babe bashing bad behaviour blatantly busted! But seriously folks, this is very bad indeed for Team Boris. There he is, the front runner in the race to become Prime Minister, and on the eve of all those upstanding Tory Party members receiving their ballot papers, he goes and gets himself splashed all over the front pages doing something of which those members will take a very dim view.
Being a lovable oaf is one thing, but a Domestic with that nice Gel Carrie is not. I mean, High TIRRIBLE! This Chep is behaving like a CED and an IPSLUTE BINDER! Faced with the choice between Bounder Boris and the happily married Jeremy Richard Streynsham Hunt (the former Culture Secretary), many of those crosses - especially from Tory women - will be marked opposite Hunt. And not opposite Bozza.
That one consequence of the Bozza Domestic is why this story coming out at this time is the very worst possible timing. And it’s hugely ironic that Carrie Symonds, who so wants to be there at the centre of power - some acquaintances have nicknamed her FLOTUS - may have participated in the dispute which finished his chances of getting the Top Job.
Moreover, when push came to shove and the herd instinct kicked in, not one newspaper turned down the chance to splash Bozza’s bust-up across their front page. Sales and clicks trump loyalty, especially when the competition are all running it.
Something for Bozza to mull over while he’s buying that new laptop. Sad, really.
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