Vanity Of The Flannelled Fool

[Update at end of post]

Twitter avatars and backgrounds are very much a personal thing: the image used for Zelo Street – background story HERE – is down to it being a favourite photo. Media blogs like Press Not Sorry, Tabloid Watch and Angry Mob use avatars that relate to their particular speciality. Tim Ireland at Bloggerheads uses his trademark turtle (now with “Police Aware” sticker – don’t ask).

Where are the photos of us?

No such subtlety, though, is allowed to enter in the world of the flannelled fool Henry Cole, tame gofer to the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines at the Guido Fawkes blog, this less than dynamic duo combining to form the Laurel and Hardy of the blogosphere. For avatar and background, the appallingly vain Cole uses only one subject, which is Himself Personally Now.

Brief sight of Hideus Maximus

Zelo Street readers can see an example of this shameless self promotion right here, but should be warned that not only may some viewers find such images distressing, but also be reassured that this grotesque sight is most unlikely to be shown again. One does, after all, have standards to maintain. And those standards include leaving ignorance and dishonesty to others (guess who?).

Trouble smelling his worms

Indeed, Cole bases his attack on the Trade Union movement – as previously noted, he is the one running the so-called Trade Union Reform Campaign (TURC) – on his ignorance of it. Yesterday he upbraided CWU Midlands Region Learning Project Worker Steve Ratcliffe with “I will not take lectures from a man who takes public money to agigtate [sic]”. Ratcliffe would be in trouble if he did “agitate” (he doesn’t).

Smearing stick joins rattle out of pram time

The Cole ignorance extends to one of the UK’s major transport networks: his latest feeble hurling of abuse at Zelo Street is to call me “some looney [sic] trainspotter”, which is code for yet another gaping hole in his knowledge. That this blog has taken apart his dubiously talented pals at the so-called Taxpayers’ Alliance whenever they put out knocking copy on HS2 does not seem to enter.

And it gets worse: in a weak attempt at attribute transfer, Cole, sitting there alone slaving away for Staines – who has swanned off to one of his two other homes – has lashed out at me as a “creepy, repetitive, obsessive loner”. This will cause such a shock to anyone who has encountered me recently that there will be, er, convulsive laughter from the south coast through London to the north west and beyond.

It's only a coincidence ...

But I’m glad to be able to report that the solitary Cole has had someone to keep him company this afternoon: the council Health and Safety rep turned up unannounced and woke him up. Sadly, the premises came up short on five areas. It was, of course, just a coincidence that the inspection came after he has been laying in to those in public service. Wasn’t it?

I’m sure the rep was really impressed by Henry “I’ve been on telly, me” Cole. Not.

[UPDATE 1845 hours: since this item was posted, Cole has descended into paranoia, Tweeting "reassure everyone of your sanity by tipping off health and safety inspectorate of people you obsessively write about online". Yes, he now believes that I sent the council round to his office this afternoon.

But then, he expects others to believe that he isn't running the TURC. And he expects everyone to believe all the guff he writes for the Fawkes blog. Maybe they really are coming to get him]