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Tuesday, 12 April 2016

The Saga Of [Redacted]’s Dick

Nothing more succinctly sums up the ability of the press to cover up for its pals than the story that follows, much of which has had to be anonymised. Once again, our free and fearless press has proved less than free and fearless when it comes to exposing, if that is the right word, the dalliances of those who have that same press to watch their backs.

As a well-known film trailer once put it, most of what follows is true.
Sorry, no names, no dick pics

The subject of this story is A Well-Known Media Personality, who cannot be identified in any more detail. We must refer to him as [Redacted]. He is married to Ms [Also Redacted], who is well known in her own right.

Recently, [Redacted] strayed from the straight and narrow, becoming embroiled in a relationship with a woman who works for A Major International Organisation. Regrettably, she cannot be identified either, and we must refer to her as Ms X.

Ms X, at some point during the encounter, took a photo of [Redacted]’s genitalia. And so began The Saga Of [Redacted]’s Dick.

[Redacted] later decided he wanted no more to do with Ms X, who was distinctly unimpressed with this state of affairs. She decided to take her revenge on [Redacted], and would use the photo of his genitalia to do so.

Armed with the photo, she took her story to A Well Known Website, sure in the knowledge that the new media would welcome this opportunity to put one over on [Redacted].

The people at A Well Known Website, sensing the potential of this story to generate More And Bigger Paycheques For Themselves Personally Now, decided to approach A Major Media Organisation, with whom they enjoyed A Close Working Relationship.

This caused quite a stir at A Major Media Organisation, where the photo was referred to middle management, then senior management, finally landing on the desk of the Top Exec. It was that important. And there was one more consideration to take into account.

The Top Exec of A Major Media Organisation and [Redacted] were old friends. They went back many years. And so it was that A Major Media Organisation spiked The Saga Of [Redacted]’s Dick there and then.

And, just to make sure, word was given to the people at A Well Known Website that if they knew what was good for them, they too would take no further action on the story.

All of this meant that Ms X failed to get her story out there, [Redacted] shrugged off his little local difficulty, the Fourth Estate had successfully looked after one of its pals, and the public was denied the kind of story that the press love to run about anyone else.

[Redacted] still struts his stuff around his media patch, knowing that someone has his back. If only it was the same for the little people.

The End.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of much-missed Robin Williams in a scene in Good Morning Vietnam.

In it, he's faced with a giant aggressive marine and wonders how such a big man could have such a small penis.

Or, I wouldn't worry about a little thing like that.

What a larf.

rob said...

Then there are the occasions when stories are spiked for information gleaned about others. A substitution in football terms stories spiked swopped for others to be published.

Evidence was given at Leveson regarding a very well known Premier League football manager, now retired, who managed to get a story about himself spiked on the basis he would supply future stories to the journalist.

Many ways (soft or hard) blackmail can be use.

deiseach said...

Meanwhile Charles Moore felt it was justifiable go rooting around in the private life of Justin Welby on the basis that "the story was in the public interest in order to correct Welby’s biography" (http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/apr/12/justin-welby-fully-cooperated-revealing-identity-real-father). What? No it wasn't! How was it necessary to go public on something of which even Welby himself was ignorant? Basically Fleet Street decides 'ex cathedra' (pun unintended) what is in the public interest. It'd be hilarious if it were not so sinister.

anubeon said...

Forgive my ignorance, buy what's to stop Ms X from taking that tastefully shot photographs straight to another purveyor of the selatious? She wasn't daft enough to use a 1980s Polaroid camera and then hand over her only copies to the grubby swine at A Well Known Guido Fawkes blog?