As soon as it became clear that the Tories had failed to retain their majority in the Commons as a result of this month’s General Election, the muttering started. The rest of her party might have cheered her decision to go to the country to the rafters, and joined in the approving chorus of voices proclaiming the Imperial Progress of the Empress Theresa, but in the cold light of day, many discovered that they never liked her really.
So if Theresa May were prevailed upon to do whatever passes for The Decent Thing in today’s Tory Party, who might step into the breach? And it is at this point that The Blue Team has suddenly gone all quiet. Why that should be is not difficult to figure out when the paucity of talent at the top of the party is put under scrutiny.
Why might that be? Well, here’s the likeliest to want to succeed the PM.
Boris Johnson. The first name the press always pitches is Bozza. And it isn’t going to happen, not least because Bozza would not only not improve the Tories’ standing, he’s got a past that might catch up with him. Don’t forget he was knifed last time round - because the bloke doing the knifing knew what was in Bozza’s skeleton cupboard. What might also catch up with Bozza is his lousy stewardship of the London Mayoralty.
Michael Gove. Yes, “Oiky” Gove actually knifed Bozza for higher motives than mere personal advancement, but he’s still, er, Michael Gove. He lays himself open to be charged with offences such as “Walking around with an offensive wife”. Being attacked by Gove is akin to being assailed by Elmer Fudd, although maybe even funnier.
David Davis. I’ve got a lot of time for DD - on snoop overreach and anything civil liberties related, he’s shit hot, the business. The problem is that he often comes over as an innocent abroad on stuff where he shouldn’t.
Liam Fox. Bwahahahahahahahaha! Liam sodding Fox! No don’t, the laughter is hurting me. Look folks, this is the bloke who shows being a spiv is not just the preserve of UKIP. Any party putting its leadership in the hands of this chancer does not have its membership dealing from a full deck. Avoid like the plague.
Priti Patel. A party like the Tories needs a leader, not an I-Speak-Your-Weight machine. See also under Esther McVey.
Dominic Raab. No - just no.
Sajid Javid. Yes, I know who he is. But why?
Philip Hammond. Yes, that leaves us with Spreadsheet Phil, the John Major candidate without the jokes. The same bloke who messed up on dodgy building cladding, tower block sprinklers, and his voting on making rental property properly habitable when he presented himself before the host’s inquisition on The Andy Marr Show (tm) this morning.
That, folks, as well as Andrea Leadsom, is why the Tories are thinking twice about deposing Theresa May. Because the supporting cast is even worse.
So Davis it is then.
Oo goody. I can't wait.
Of course they might even go for the odious Anna Soubry.
Another alternative is the closet tory, Frank Field. Now that's one cunt well worth throwing to the wolves.
What about that Crabb guy? He looks young, polished and dynamic with a working class back story that could be exploited and look easily malleable. I know he looks a big of a lightweight and there must be some skeletons in the closet but could be transformed with a relentless psy-ops campaign led by our esteemed media, Hypernormalisation.
Just watched the catch up of tonight's De Pear load of old cack, Channel 4 TV News.
Unfortunately for her, Newman had drawn the short straw for Sunday work. But she was perfectly (light-weight) suited for the broadcast. Which ended with a classic De Pear pile of extruded dog turds. In which some unknown but willing tyro news freak tried to paint the last election as a success for something called "Brand Corbyn" and social media tactics. Policies didn't get a mention.
That was bad, but earlier Newman fronted a "discussion" with tory flapper Sarah Wollaston and, guess who!, yes another appearance by glove puppet Toby "Arsehead" Young. Isn't it odd how said Arsehead gets trotted out by the BBC, and ITN to make excuses at times like this?......Or maybe it isn't......Wollaston of course is presented as the "compassionate" side (no, really) of tory thuggery.
Young said (and I shit you not) "Let's not politicise this". Then proceeded to try to tie the Labour Party into blame for the Grenfell Tower horror. The stupid bastard intermingled it with the usual arm-waving which looks increasingly like he's trying (and failing) to wave off attacks.
All told, standard C4 News bullshit. But expect more of it in all broadcast and press news for coming weeks. There are no depths they will not plumb. After all, news outlets are either owned by tories or staffed by their jobsworths. Nothing new there, then.
Imagine the hissing lizard Hammond as pm.
Never trust anyone who hisses and whistles through their teeth.
He's either an Icke lizard or his dentures are loose.
Either way, don't trust the cockney twat.
I used to have some time for David Davis - based on his civil liberties work.
Time has changed this opinion - I'm more of the opinion that this is a case of even a clock that's stopped being able the time. I've do not discern under his stands on various issues any underlying consistent thread.
I think he's basically an Alan Clark like figure - who affects the breeziness of a Boris (he's very fond of windbagging on his business experience - and like Boris he likes to obscure things by talking in parenthesis) - and whose 'civil liberties' stance is basically his sop to having some kind of 'eccentric' stance to fill him out as a person.
Duncan-Smith could always grow back his dodgy mustache à la Adolf, and they'll have an icon to vote for with no reservations.
Well OK......What about Damian Green, the spiv John McDonnell wrecked on air in the "Andy" Marr propaganda bullshit show?
I mean, Damian has all the right qualifications: Thief of public assets, climate change denier, barrow boy, right hand man to loopy Treezer......and......and......he's a tory.
What more d'you want?
The glaring talent vacuum among the current mob might inspire some old hands to try their luck.
A suggestion that sums up the soul of the party would be the Archer-Aitken "Dream ticket".
They've served up a lot more "pleasure" for Her Majesty than most.
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