Don’t Menshn Bad Grammar

Over in a reassuringly expensive corner of Manhattan, someone is very worried about their old University, concerned that its standards are slipping, and not going in with both feet on someone who is not white, no sirree. That thought never entered her head. Yes, we’re talking the University of Oxford, and the concerns of (thankfully) former Tory MP Louise Mensch, who has decided to take action on the issue of grammar.

(c) Doc Hackenbush 2014

It seems that Keble College has awarded a Rhodes Scholarship - the same means by which future President Bill Clinton came to study at the University all those years ago - to someone who also has a Facebook page. That page does not always exhibit conformity to strict rules of grammar, and on occasion spelling too. This, Ms Mensch has concluded, means that Keble College is compromising its standards on the basis of race.

You think I jest? She has already decided that “What terrifies me is that @KebleAlumni admitted, as a Rhodes Scholar, a moron who cannot spell, cannot use basic grammar”. Facebook is a grammar examination already? But there’s more: “In my day as an undergraduate Oxford would never have compromised its academic standards on the basis of race. Now, clearly, it has”. They let a black student in? And, so what?

Well, so his Facebook page really is an exam: “The #RhodesMustFall bully's facebook post would get him a C at best in GCSE English. How was he admitted to Keble?” Grammar, Louise? “Facebook” should be capitalised. But do go on. “#RhodesMustOnlyGiveScholarshipsToLiteratePeople - our new campaign. He's a moron. He can't spell”. So, there are the rules. Let’s see how Ms Mensch measures up to them.

We can do this by, well, looking at her Twitter feed from yesterday - the same day she passed judgment. How about “heat Street australia who's with me :)”? Two missing capitalisations, a missing comma, and a missing question mark - in only six words. Must try harder. Try again: “wait Geno's gone quiet since I reminded him @RealDonaldTrump welcomed his Jewish grandchild”. Better, only a missing comma that time.

But it soon gets worse: “do't tell him that he doesn't like racial intermarriage like Donald Trump supports (to be fair to Trump)”. What is this “do’t”? Spelling mistake, missing comma. And worse still: “you must HATE Trump then as he supports jewish-white intermixing welcoming his new Jewish grandchild?” Doesn’t make sense, at least one comma missing, “Jewish” should be capitalised. And there is yet more.

“OMg the tory spads are hilarious - 2m in”. “OMG” should be capitalised throughout, and “Tory” should also be capitalised. Have another go. “Fucking lol at the 2m mark”. Er yes, using Anglo-Saxon intensives is a very good way to flunk an entrance exam. “Cannot spell, cannot use basic grammar”? “Would get … a C at best in GCSE English”? Er, hello Louise, that would be YOU. Ms Mensch is standing in a very draughty glasshouse.

Looks like someone really did compromise their standards in her day too. Hey ho.