Simon Danczuk - A Complete Shit

Rochdale’s nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk has once again taken to the pages of the Tory-supporting Mail On Sunday in order to put the boot in on his own party, while scoring More And Bigger Paycheques For The Benefit Of Himself Personally Now. The headline tells you all you need to know: “Corbyn: 'My night with President Xi was most boring I have ever had': SIMON DANCZUK got hauled in by his leader after his MoS columns. The result? His best one yet!”

Well, it’s certainly up there with the MoS’ biggest whoppers, as Danczuk did not get “hauled in” to anything, otherwise he would not have gone voluntarily to meet his party leader. And one might have thought that what he and Jezza discussed should have remained confidential to the two of them.

“In my 25-year career in politics I’ve had many memorable meetings with Ministers, mandarins, police, victims of child sexual abuse and others. But nothing prepared me for the extraordinary 40-minute, one-to-one meeting I had with Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn last week”. Why so? “I had been invited to see him after criticising his performance in a series of articles in The Mail on Sunday”. So that was the subject for discussion?

“Was he going to throw me out of the party merely for saying in public what other Labour MPs say in private about his leadership? Would it be the start of the great purge of Labour moderates by the Trots and Stalinists in his backroom team that we keep reading about?” Yes? Yes yes? Yes yes yes? Did Danczuk get the hard word?

Er, no he didn’t: “He offers a warm handshake and asks about my recent split with my wife, saying: ‘I know what it’s like, I’ve been through divorce a couple of times. The first time I married we were both too young.’” Stop right there. It is screamingly obvious that that part of the conversation was not for public consumption, even to a Grade A shit like Simon Danczuk. That is an abuse of confidence, no ifs, no buts.

It gets worse: “When I say that about one in four of my constituents has roots in Pakistan, Kashmir and Bangladesh, he says ‘great’ and his eyes light up … To him it’s a multicultural cause for celebration. He doesn’t see the sensitive issues of social cohesion it brings with it”. Like the sensitive issue of playing the Bangladeshi community for mugs in order to get them to vote for you, eh Simon? Multiculturalism is fine then, isn’t it?

And worse: “he’s talking about black cab drivers, who qualify as self-employed. I’m all for black cab drivers, but they’re not the first thing most of us think of when discussing entrepreneurs”. What part of the word “entrepreneur” do you not understand, Si? Have another go: “he suddenly starts complaining about how his local falafel shop pays more tax than the Starbucks over the road. Obviously he has a good point, but as usual it’s argued from a multicultural fringe perspective”. See above.

But, all too soon, it was over: “I depart with mixed emotions. There’s no question Jeremy is a decent bloke and I admire him for having the courage to listen to my criticisms”. Yes, and now Danczuk should do the decent thing and quit pretending to be a Labour MP. In any case, Corbyn has enough to discipline him, given the blatant and unforgivable breach of confidence. And forget the leadership bid - you’ll get nowhere with only one vote.