Michael Ashcroft gave the Tories millions. He got not unadjacent to Sweet Fanny Adams in return. So it was no surprise to find that a new biography of Young Dave, which he co-authored with hack Isabel Oakeshott, is not exactly full of good news for the PM. Worse for Cameron, Ms Oakeshott has dug up a most interesting initiation ritual undergone by Dave on his admission to an Oxford University dining club.
(c) Doc Hackenbush 2014
Worse again, the story has surfaced in the Daily Mail, where legendarily foul mouthed editor Paul Dacre has still not been given the gong that he believes is rightfully his. Readers are told Dave “got involved in the notorious Oxford dining society, the Piers Gaveston, named after the lover of Edward II, which specialises in bizarre rituals and sexual excess”. How bizarre would that be, perchance?
“A distinguished Oxford contemporary claims Cameron once took part in an outrageous initiation ceremony at a Piers Gaveston event, involving a dead pig. His extraordinary suggestion is that the future PM inserted a private part of his anatomy into the animal’s mouth”. Do go on. “The source - himself an MP - first made the allegation out of the blue at a business dinner in June 2014”. Who might that have been?
How many MPs are there who were contemporaries of Cameron at Oxford, and who knew him well? I spy with my little eye something beginning with B. Yikes readers! But, as Clive James might have said, I digress: the meme of Porky Cameron the pig f***er was off and squealing, er, running. The #piggate hashtag is all over Twitter this morning. Who would step up to the plate and bravely defend the Prime Minister?Sadly for Dave, that person turned out to be (thankfully) former Tory MP Louise Mensch, who waded in to the fray to show everybody that she knew more than they did. “‘David Cameron smoked a spliff in college.’ Hold the front page, @mailonline. Oh, you did? Carry on then #fail” she wibbled, alluding to the claim by James “saviour of Western civilisation” Delingpole that he and Cameron had smoked weed together.
Then came the main course: “‘Claims to have seen photographic evidence’ reminds me of those nappy/rocking-horse @GuidoFawkes stories ie purest bullsh*t. Or pigsh*t :) … Let's be clear that the story is rubbish, number one. And number two if it isn't, to quote the anti-nowhere league, ‘So f****** what?’ … Indeed, who cares? Apart from the food waste obvs”. So that’s her fellow Sunday Sun pundit duly insulted, then.
Besides, it was only rotten lefties who were pissing themselves laughing at the idea of Dave sticking his penanga in a dead pig’s North and South: “Ah, seems like desperate lefties bought #piggate in a poke. I read Mail. That ‘story’ in all its credible glory”. This from the same pundit who claimed “sorry, a student is a grown-up”. That’s just in case she wheels out the “youthful indiscretion” line.
Why on earth is she even touching this story? And, as Jon Stewart might have said, two things here. One, Jeremy Corbyn apparently became a vegetarian after working on a pig farm, and two, er, “but Happy Chinese New Year to all my Chinese followers! I am a Pig apparently #saynomoresquire”. Yes, we’ll say no more. We don’t need to.
[UPDATE 1150 hours: It seems my allusion to the involvement of London's increasingly occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson has not been the only one, and Emily Ashton has conveyed a dismissal of the great man's involvement.
"Source close to Boris completely denies rumours he leaked #piggate story. 'He had nothing to do with the Piers Gaveston group'" she tells.
That's a most interesting denial, because, in an article first published back in 2012, and authored by one Dan Jones, he tells "The Gaveston’s alumni include Hugh Grant, Private Eye editor Ian Hislop, various MPs and the present Mayor of London" [my emphasis].
Moreover, the article concerned was published by the Telegraph. That's the same paper that bungs Bozza a cool quarter of a million a year for his piss-poor weekly ramblings.
So the question remains: did Bozza drop Dave in the crap to Ms Oakeshott, someone he knows well? As the Eye might have put it, I think we should be told]
You know what?.....I couldn't give a brass shit if the Bullingdon Head Boy fucked or fucks pigs, dead or alive, or smokes weed or even shoves cocaine up his tory arse.
What DOES concern me is that he does all that to the country, and to its most vulnerable citizens. Which makes him a gobshite of the first rank, typical of the tories and their eternal threat to decency.
The really funny side to this is how Murdoch and Dacre have turned on him because he slipped up and performed his democratic duty in instigating the Leveson Inquiry and the new Hillsborough Inquest. Their hatred of him knows no bounds. The same thing happened to poor old Ted Heath when he mentioned "The ugly and unacceptable face of capitalism" and how some loony spooks harassed somebody who read the Daily Mirror.
More seriously is what it indicates. That is, anybody is deluded who thinks fascism can never come back or regain a foothold in the West. The reality is it never went away. What you see now is the tiniest of symptoms of its survival. Their hatred of ANY opposition is palpable.
And it's going to get worse, much, much worse. Now there is no Cold War or "communism" or union strikes to blame. But you can bet your last Euro the crackpots in Vauxhall Cross and Langley are already hard at work seeing whose life and which country they need to destroy next.
The real story is who (individual or group) in the Tory party want to damage Cammy's authority, and why? Is it the leadership, or the EU vote?
In any event, the pig has escaped the pen and Cammy's credibilty has now fellated... ...sorry, deflated.
Over the weekend (I think), Boris made some comment about George Osborne's youthful use of prostitutes. Had he got wind of this story, imagining Dave getting thrown out, and manoeuvring himself to appear the least tainted replacement?
I'm not so sure. The timing is important, as it overshadows the LD conference. Then again, seeing as much of the media is skirting round the issue (for reasons of decency as much as libel, I guess - although if there was the slightest risk of any of this being actionable, Ashcroft would not have published it), that may backfire. Whatever the case, I bet on a week long monstering of Cameron, before business as usual for the Labour conference followed by the usual soft-soaping come Tory week. And if anyone accuses the Mail of being biased, they can refer back to this as evidence of fairness and balance.
It really wouldn't surprise me if Boris's grubby fingerprints were all over this.
However, there is still Boris's own personal skeleton-in-the-closet that could still stop him getting the top job - that of passing on a journalist's home address to a convicted fraudster so said fraudster can have the journalist crippled.
Obviously, our bought-and-paid-for media tend not to raise this (allowing Boris to waffle out a response in Latin interjected with the odd 'crikey!' without pressing for a proper answer) but there's only so much air freshener that can be sprayed to cover up the bad smell of Darius Guppy.
but why would Boris undermine Dave? Before the election Dave made it clear he would stand down during this parliament, therefore doesn't need toppling. Boris is free, with the usual suspects, to mount his leadership campaign. Has Dave been briefing against him?? Or is someone else trying to make Boris look disloyal to undermine him. And if so, who wouldn't be bothered if George also got caught up in the exchange?? How about Theresa May.
‘So f****** what?’ A dead pig, dear Louise, a dead pig.
Bit weird to single out Mensch's tweets. It shows something about you.
I think the allegation that he knew, and lied, about Ashcroft's non dom status is more damning that any university goings on although that does give an insight to his background and character.
If true, possibly no quite as damning as lying to go to war but nevertheless another indication of his credibility, or lack of it. it was quite an important issue at the time and remains so as Murdoch, another non dom, seeks to recover his power base in the UK.
It's going to be interesting to see the reaction of those parents whose kids attend one of Toby Young's schools after his interesting "defence" of the PM. Will the alleged activity of Dave be used as an example of good or bad behaviour? Over to you Tobes!
The Mail seems a little confused. "It comes after extracts of a dynamite new autobiography
Oh dear Louise - having called out Isabel Oakeshott as a former journalist she will wake up to her very own newspaper headlines "PM at Coke Party".
Back to the drawing board methinks for Lou.
As you do, I was wondering what WS Gilbert might have thought of all this ...
I am the very model of a modern pri-minister,
It’s total tosh to say my college days were ever sinister;
It takes the bacon now to claim I porked a piggy for a laugh,
But Dacre’s chance of knighthood has been blown away like so much chaff.
I’ve got a little list of those I'd gladly give the heave ho to,
And Ashcroft’s now atop that list and set to stick as if by glue;
I’d have my Chancellor take charge to give me time for this to blow,
But George is snorting like a pig, his nose deep in a trough of snow.
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