Still threatening to return to politics, which for him means maxing out his media appearances and telling packs of lies about all those ghastly foreigners because he thinks that speaking another language means speaking English Very Slowly And Very Loudly, former UKIP Oberscheissenführer Nigel “Thirsty” Farage is taking his message out into the country. But the reception has not always been favourable.
Squeaky no thanks finger up the bum time
This became clear to those running the Chester Chronicle this week, after they had told readers “Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage will be speaking at a dinner meeting of the Chester Business Club just a month before Britain is due to leave the EU … He will return to the city on Thursday, February 21 to give his analysis of what the future holds for businesses and citizens of the UK”. What a thrilling prospect.
So made up over their story were the Chronicle people that they advertised the article on their Twitter feed with the strapline “Another chance to have a pint with Nigel Farage in Chester!” It was at this point that they knew this was a campaign that was progressing not necessarily to their advantage. Because the people of Chester weren’t happy.
Thus the severely adverse comments, which included “Rather have a bath with my dad” and the distinctly unhappy “I’d rather drink the pint alone and throw the empty glass at his face”. And those were mere sighting shots for the main event.
One less than totally enamoured Tweeter responded “Would rather nail my bollocks to a burning shed”, while another offered “I'd rather shit in my hands and clap”. But someone did want to enter in to the spirit of the occasion … sort of: “I'd buy him a pint. What's the number for the sewerage works?” Another simply replied “No thanks!”
The unflattering characterisations of Mr Thirsty came next: after one Tweeter mused “That’s one to miss”, another was less sanguine. “Oh joy! A complete turd coming to Chester”. This was not such a minority view. “We invite scum into our city now?” One observer reminded the Chron, and Farage, who voted for what: “Please don't come to #Chester Nigel Farage. We're 60.1% #remain here”.
And one onlooker went to the trouble of reading the Chron’s article, but emerged from the experience no less cynical. “Chester Business Club secretary Bob Clough-Parker said: ‘Love him or hate him, there is no denying Farage is one of the most influential politicians of the post-war period’. Does Bob smoke crack?”
Would no-one speak up for The Great Man? Peter Wright wouldn’t: “Meh. He is yesterday's man, a walking freakshow, a clockwork Toby jug”. And Sam Rowlett pointed out the idiocy of Farage beating the drum for what he claimed to be Britain: “Nigel will be drinking British beer brewed by A company owned by Heineken or Molson Corrs”. Quite.
All of which merely underscores the thought that Nigel Farage has become just another of Yesterday’s Men. His time may have been for a time, but not for all time.
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It sounds like the perfect time to go and have a chat and a pint with Farage (pronounced ‘loud mouthed fascist tosser’), explain in simple, easy to understand language what exactly he is doing to Britain, why he is a figure of derision for the majority (ie, the rest of the country who did not vote as he wished, plus those who did not vote), that sort of thing. And make sure he is buying the drink, then bankrupt the git by necking his bar tab and slagging off anyone stupid enough to sponsor him with free booze.
Following that we can free the masses from the shackles of right wing slavery, storm the Winter Palace and seize the means of production, and later we can drive out the landowners and demonstrate that the people, united, can never... Um, or maybe we just go for a kebab?
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