Boris Goes - A Nation Does Not Mourn

Some men are born great. Others have greatness thrust upon them. But the UK’s now former comedy foreign secretary, London’s formerly very occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, is neither. He never fitted either category, and never will do. Bozza is no more than a cheap opportunist, a charlatan, an habitual liar, someone only in the game for the further advancement of Himself Personally Now.

An absolute Muppet. And Elmo from Sesame Street

So it was with the manner of his going: Bozza has today quit the FO, following David Davis out the door, and with more resignations over the Chequers awayday still to come - the next one, providing he can come to terms with the loss of the status he never merited in the first place, is disgraced former Defence Secretary Liam Fox, whose tenure in the cabinet has been marked by, well, no discernible product at all.

What use was Bozza as Foreign Secretary? What indeed. He blundered his way around the world, nearly causing a diplomatic incident in Myanmar, was abusive towards Combover Crybaby Donald Trump before knowing who had won the 2016 US Presidential Election, and his loose tongue has condemned Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe to an extended stay in an Iranian jail. That is, of course, on top of his lying.

Bozza was going to resign over a third runway at Heathrow. He would join John McDonnell lying in front of the bulldozers. It was so much hot air. He grumbled at Theresa May’s Brexit negotiating stance, then went along with it. Now we know he didn’t really go along with it. And after Liam Young told “Boris Johnson has resigned!” we discovered more.

ITV political editor Robert Peston had the brutal reality: “I am told Downing Street ‘spiked’ @BorisJohnson - that is they announced he was quitting BEFORE he actually finished writing his resignation letter. This is getting very brutal”. George Eaton of the Staggers simply noted “And so departs the worst Foreign Secretary in post-war history”.

Meanwhile, Sunny Hundal told it like it was. “Let's be clear on why David Davis and Boris Johnson resigned: After two years (at least) of spouting unworkable and fantastical ideas, the PM has realised none of these idiots have a workable plan for Brexit. Now they don't want to be associated with the mess they created”. There was more.

“They're like David Cameron, George Osborne and the other ‘twats’ who brought us Brexit and then resigned. They don't want to be blamed when reality sinks in. But we shouldn't let them escape that blame either. Brexit is a mess entirely because of Davis, Johnson ... and May”. And more. “NONE of these people have the courage to say: 'You know what, the reality isn't turning out as I predicted, but I will work through it and deliver the best I can.' No, they would rather resign and wash their hands off the mess they created”. Quite.

And for those wondering if the Tories could win round any Labour MPs to their Chequers plan, Jessica Elgot of the Guardian had bad news. Very bad news. “Labour MP comes out of the briefing. ‘Most surreal meeting ever. They are presenting a deal which is collapsing in front of our eyes. The projector doesn’t work. All anyone is talking about is Boris. It’s like the fucking Thick of It’”. So were any Labour MPs persuaded?

Ms Elgot wasn’t: “All you can hear from outside the room where Labour MPs are having their Brexit briefing is raucous laughter”. But let’s not lose sight of Bozza.

As Sonia Purnell warned, “Do you have any idea how much Boris Johnson would be enjoying this sort of attention? Detracts from his failures as a politician”. Don’t forget what a useless Mayor of London he was. And a useless shadow minister before that.

And as Theresa May struggles to hold together a Government which may not have long to go, Sun Apologies had one last thought about this most surreal of days in politics: “Just a polite reminder when reporting today's events to credit the writer of today's episode, Armando Iannucci”. But not even Malcolm Tucker could hold this one down.

The Tories have split asunder over Europe once again. What we have to hope is that their amateurish screw-up does not screw over the whole country. The Foreign Secretary departing just before a Brussels NATO summit, Trump’s visit and during another Novichok controversy - this one with a fatality - just about sums up their lack of cojones.

Bozza has gone. It might be for the best if the whole Government were to follow him.