The fawning sycophancy displayed by former Screws and Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan towards Combover Crybaby Donald Trump reached peak grovel last Friday as he secured a characteristically craven softball interview aboard Air Force One, although he did not get to fly in it; the aircraft was sitting on the tarmac at Stansted Airport.
As befits a former tabloid editor, Morgan has been milking his achievement for all it is worth, which, when the content became known, was not very much. Nothing of any substance was divulged by The Donald, not even the advice he gave Theresa May - which in any case was revealed yesterday on The Andy Marr Show™ - but we did get to see what was on the menu, and that Trump has his own branded M&Ms.
Morgan went wrong from the word go. “WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Inside Air Force One. My world exclusive interview with President Trump on the planet's most elite plane”. Most elite plane? It’s an ageing Boeing 747-200, and already slated to be replaced soon.
Adam Parsons of Sky News was unimpressed. “Well done to him for getting the story. But a cosy chat, where you deliberately avoid confrontation and worry about getting a selfy, is not a news interview. Trump still hasn't done a proper interview with a British broadcaster”. And he won’t ever do a proper interview - ask John Sweeney.
That did not go down well with Morgan, who was clearly expecting praise verging on adulation. “Oh pipe down you patronising little turd. Go get your own Trump interview than we can judge YOUR interviewing skills”. Everyone he dislikes is by definition “little”. If Arnie had displeased The Great Man, he too would be dismissed as “little”.
His response meant that the house was about to fall in, and Jo Maugham was ready with the verbal wrecking ball. “Inadvertently revealing from Piers. What matters is that he got the interview - not the questions he asked. That's the right test for self-promotion but it's no test of journalism”. Just being there is not journalism.
Morgan in response went full Norma Desmond. “My interview is making news around the world. That’s MY idea of journalism”. My interview IS big - it’s the critics that got small!
Then came an intervention by the Observer’s Carole Cadwalladr, which was to put the pid on Morgan’s pretentiousness once and for all: “That ain't no journalism, bruv”.
The Great Man could not resist taking the bait. “So why is the Guardian reporting on stories broken in it, sis?” Ms Cadwalladr works for the Observer, but hey ho.
But she was about to put him straight about the content of his interview. “‘Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed: everything else is public relations.’ You're in marketing, m8”. OUCH! Fancy a comeback, Piers?
But by this point he was floundering, and it showed. “Being lectured by the Guardian about journalism is like being lectured on brain damage by Love Island contestants. There's a reason nobody reads your paper - m8”. Observer, Piers. Observer.
Now he had left himself wide open. And whoever was in charge of the Byline Media Twitter feed - one has one’s suspicions - was on hand to administer the coup de grace. “Being lectured on journalism by the man who turned the Mirror Group into a criminal enterprise... no metaphors for that”. And another OUCH!
The problem Piers Morgan has with Twitter is that he can’t shout anyone down, there is no possibility of selecting who gets into the discussion, and he is therefore reduced to just being another of those “little” people he and his press pals love to crap all over.
You can collect your arse on the way out, Piers. Better luck next time, eh?