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Monday 4 January 2016

Farage Assassination Hoax Busted

One party not doing very well in the publicity stakes right now, despite the increased attention being given to the prospect of a referendum on Britain’s EU membership, is that of Nigel “Thirsty” Farage and his saloon bar propper-uppers at UKIP, whose dismal showing in the Oldham West and Royton by-election was then followed by petulant and unfounded claims about postal voting.
Squeaky wheel bolt finger up the bum time

The Kippers have also been hindered by the continuing rift between Farage and the party’s only MP, Douglas “Kamikaze” Carswell. The cumulative effect of all this has been to push UKIP’s poll ratings down even further. But suddenly, help was at hand as Mr Thirsty revealed a dramatic new twist: he had been the subject of an assassination attempt! It was in all the papers! And someone should have done some fact checking!

What was splashed by the Mail was typical: “Nigel Farage's car wheels 'were sabotaged in an assassination attempt': Ukip leader lost control of Volvo when wheel fell off on motorway... and police confirm foul play”. Do go on. “The Ukip leader careered off a French road after a wheel on his Volvo came loose while he was driving from Brussels back to his home in Kent”. Yes? Yes yes? Yes yes yes?

When the police arrived at the scene, they told him that the nuts on all of the wheels had been deliberately unscrewed, The Mail on Sunday has established”. Established how, exactly? Where is the statement by the Gendarmerie? All that readers are told is “The French police looked at it and said that sometimes nuts on one wheel can come a bit loose – but not on all four”. This is Farage’s own statement.

The Evening Standard merely lifted the Mail story, telling readersNigel Farage has revealed he fears he was the victim of an assassination attempt after a terrifying ordeal on a French motorway”. Even the Mirror has churned over this account, headlining itNigel Farage feared victim of assassination attempt after car wheels sabotaged”. But enough: it is time for the application of the mystical art known as “Five minutes’ Googling”.

This brings us to the Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency website, and a recall notice for Volvo models V60, V70, XC70, S80 and XC90. Farage’s car was a V70. The problem? “It has been identified that the standard wheel securing bolts may not have undergone the correct hardening process. This will result in corrosion, a noise and/or vibration. If this condition is not rectified, there is a possibility that the wheel may become loose and detach”. And there you have the real reason for Farage’s “assassination attempt”.

Worse, the incident took place last October, yet none of the papers running this cod story thought to query the delay. Nigel Farage has not been the subject of an “assassination attempt”. His Volvo V70 should have had its wheel securing bolts checked and replaced, but for some reason it did not. The UKIP leader is spinning a pack of lies.

His death threats are all in the mind. Nobody wants to get rid of comedy gold like him.


Anonymous said...

Where is the evidence that Farage said it was an assassination attempt?

No wonder he kept it quiet.

Look at the feast being had on a small amount of information.

A little knowledge is truly a dangerous thing.

Anonymous said...

Can't resist this, Tim, sorry:

With Farage at the wheel they weren't the only loose nuts on the road.

I'll get me coat :o)

AndyC said...

Zen and the Art of Volvo Maintenance.

Anonymous said...

skeptical about this from the word go having experienced loose nuts just recently (my own fault- not tightening correctly after changing a tyre). What you get is an awful racket from the wheel. 4 loose wheels would be deafening. What a goose.

J said...

Seriously the papers missed a blinding headline...
"Farage has loose nuts" or
"Farage looses his nuts"
"Nuts loose, Farrage comes to a grinding halt"

I'll get my coat.

Brian Higgy said...

Why is he driving a "foreign" car. Surely the "British" thing to do would be to drive a Jag.

Anonymous said...

It'd be like assassinating Forrest Gump.

I mean, why bother?

Arnold said...

Three wheels on my Volvo
And I'm still rolling along –
The Tabloids are chasing me
Arrows fly
Right on by
But I'm singing a happy song!

Prince Philip said...

And apparently that light aircraft he was in which crashed was in fact shot down by Russian Migs .........

Anonymous said...

Oh the RUSSIANS......of COURSE!

They haven't been blamed for anything for a week or so. But they will as soon as convenient if the Middle East ever settles down, especially now Ukraine's going bankrupt to pay off the IMF loans.

I had that Boris Yeltsin in the back of my taxi once. Proper drunk he was.

SteveB said...

Brian beat me to it, but his choice isn't limited to Jags. Toyota, Nissan and Honda would have all sold him a UK built car.

How very embarrassing for Volvo, having Farage as a customer!

Simon said...

Now Libération have a story saying Farage is talking nonsense. http://www.liberation.fr/desintox/2016/01/05/farage-s-assassination-plot-no-witnesses-vouch-for-it_1424522

Malcolm Redfellow said...

And. to cap this froth, even the co-conspirators around Staines-by-name-and-by nature and the Farridge-fibber himself have resiled.

Any chance this could appear as a correction in the Heil-on-Sunday? Breath is not being with-held, however.