Many who scrabble around the dunghill that is Grubstreet begin their careers with hopes and dreams still intact, the belief that their contribution to our free and fearless press might someday change the world for the better. But for many, any such hope is swiftly knocked out of them as the discovery is made of their true purpose: to prostitute themselves obediently to the demands of their proprietors and editors.
Behold the rictus grin of the flannelled fool
For one aspiring hopeful, the moment that reality intruded into his world came last night, as the dictates of Creepy Uncle Rupe showed just how free and fearless that press really is. The odious flannelled fool Henry Cole, formerly tame gofer to the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines at the Guido Fawkes blog, fell from bringer of “exclusives” to inflating the CV of a sad has-been, but Murdoch favourite, very swiftly indeed.
The occasion on which Master Cole had reported was the annual Margaret Thatcher lecture, given in the memory of the Prime Minister whom they all knew, and to whose thoughts they were all privy, honestly. This year’s lecture was given by former Australian PM Tony Abbott, whose brief period in the limelight was engineered largely by the endorsement of the Murdoch press - and has now passed.
Cole’s Twitter feed sets the grovelling tone: “Former Aussie PM name checks ‘fine Australian export Lynton Crosby’ at the Guildhall. He's going to give v punchy speech on migrants … ‘Will gnaw at consciences’ but ‘tide of humanity surging through Europe and quite possibly changing it forever’ … Quite extraordinary intervention by former Oz PM Tony Abbott at Guildhall tonight. Bombshell warning on immigration”.
And to that I call bullshit. Migration that changes a country forever is what was done to Australia in the period between the end of World War 2 and the 1970s - the only difference between that and refugees from wars in the Middle East is that the migration to Australia was deliberately engineered - and those who went were all white. Because, although even the Sun is too polite to say so, English speaking white migration is OK.
Moreover, while Cole blusters hopefully “Not sure Abbott will be getting a job at the UN after that”, no leading European politician with head screwed on and a hole in their backside will care a rat’s arse about what Tony Abbott thinks. A job at the UN? He’d be damn lucky to get a job at Poundland. “Bombshell”? “Punchy”? “Intervention”? He’s a bigoted, sexist, misogynist gobshite with less credibility than Skippy.
Yet still Master Cole persists with his pretence: “Abbott speech hits P1 of @TheSun”. Yes, because it’s run by Rupert Murdoch, he supports Abbott, and wants his man and his shitty, repellant views pushed up the news agenda. Perhaps it has not yet dawned on the flannelled fool that he has been reduced to writing what is effectively proprietorial drivel to order. It is screamingly obvious to any disinterested observer.
[UPDATE 1535 hours: just to show what Master Cole really thinks about Tony Abbott, here is his Tweet from just before noon today.
"Tony Abbott won't be going to the rugby on Saturday and sung Jerusalem last night. No wonder the Aussies booted him out". That's as near an admission that his Sun article was done to order as makes no difference.
His only problem now is making sure none of Rupe's key mafiosi see it. Good luck with that one]