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Monday 27 November 2017

Meghan And Harry - Gawd Bless ‘Em

Our free and fearless press will cling to a story, any story like a drowning man clinging to a lifebelt if it brings the prospect of a sustained increase in sales and clicks. It will cling on yet more strongly if that story is at heart uncontroversial, with no chance of blowback or even criticism. So when the Royal Family announces an engagement, with the prospect of another Royal wedding, the press goes totally OTT.
Thus it was that the BBC’s report tellingPrince Harry is to marry his American actress girlfriend Meghan Markle … Harry, fifth in line to the throne, will marry Ms Markle next spring and will live at Nottingham Cottage at Kensington Palace in London … The couple, who have been dating since the summer of 2016, secretly got engaged earlier this month” signalled the beginning of wall to wall coverage for months to come.

The engagement! The ring! The fiancée’s backstory! The glamour of Hollywood! The endless photo spreads! Their friends! Lots of Slebs! The wedding venue! The fight to conduct the ceremony! The fight to commentate on it all! The crowds lining the route! The bridesmaids! Her family! The guest list! The presents! The inevitable Buckingham House balcony photocall! The fly-past! The honeymoon! And all that coverage! PHWOAR!!
Sometimes one can have too much of a good thing, and the desperation of the press right now will make sure that we have that in spades. Cheated of an announcement just before the weekend, which would have been ideal for the Sunday papers, those who scrabble around the dunghill that is Grubstreet will have to work that much harder to get the readers buying. Tomorrow morning’s editions will be only the start of the Royal Wedding Overload.

For starters, there will be endless pontification by a range of singularly unappealing pundits about the revelation that “Only the Queen and ‘other close members of [Harry’s] family’ initially knew of the engagement, which took place in London”. Oh, and “The engaged couple will appear for photographs outside Kensington Palace on Monday afternoon, and will take part in a broadcast interview in the evening”. Hmmm.

Whoever is doing the interview must have the approval of the Fourth Estate. So if the press do not like the look of the questioner(s), there will be yet more righteous punditry dedicated to the usual hatchet jobs. And there will be the naysayers, hoping to gain attention by being thoroughly miserable and contrarian about the whole affair.

The misery brigade has already begun its campaign: the Spectator has whined “Meghan Markle is unsuitable as Prince Harry's wife for the same reason that Wallis Simpson was unsuitable: she’s divorced and Harry’s grandmother is supreme governor of the CofE”. Very good, it’s not 1936, the heir to the throne is a divorcee, and nobody gives the proverbial flying foxtrot. But no doubt there will be more.

In the meantime, every editorial conference will be breaking out the drinks, celebrating the gift of something, anything to paper over the cracks caused by years of appalling behaviour, bad journalism, corrupt bosses and venal politicians. Gawd Bless Em!


Anonymous said...

2 questions:

1) What bad news will be buried today by HM Govt?
2) Do we get an extra bank holiday?

Anonymous said...

Oh for chrissakes, not this load of Ruritanian bollocks again.

This country would be a lot healthier if the unelected von Windsors had the sense to announce something like, "We have decided this family no longer has any right to claim the office of Head of State through birth. We acknowledge in the year 2017 that we are an anachronism, an anti-democratic comic-opera cast from Gilbert and Sullivan. We hereby unilaterally resign all our political offices and duties and request these now be the subject of genuine democratic vote. In addition we hand over all the property and wealth stolen by our ancestors during centuries of theft and murder. We will also pay from our personal wealth all the taxes (with interest) which went unpaid during our freeloading tax-free years. We urge representative government to abolish the House of Lords and all other outdated aristocratic organisations and titles. It is, after all, the 21st century."

That would loosen a few bowels dahn the East End and among the London suburban genuflectors and forehead knucklers.

But don't expect Harry and co to have that much courage. The freeloading will go on.

Anonymous said...

Given her "background", if I was Meghan I wouldn't be going for any late night drive through the streets of Paris.

There is a precedent why not to.

mirandola said...

Vladminir Putin is obviously at the back of all this but I haven't quite worked out why yet.

Anonymous said...

Mirandola, you do know the von Windsors are related to the Romanovs don't you?

I bet Putin knows.

Oh those interfering pesky Russians!

Nigel Stapley said...

As the first commenter said, keep a look out for the stories which are not being covered, and keep an eye open for government press releases (especially from the DWP and the Home Office) because it's "a good day to bury bad news".

And don't look to the BBC or any of the official media for the real stories; look at the independent media sites; hell, even look at RT, which is a lot more likely to cover the more 'inconvenient' stories about this country than a tuft-hunting BBC or a prissy-but-positive Guardian is likely to.

Arnold said...

Anonymous 12:26. Well there's this.
"Government unveils Industrial Strategy to boost productivity and earning power of people across the UK"


Only boring news is being buried today.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous: '1) What bad news will be buried today by HM Govt?'

Take your pick of the Brexit impact reports being released to the relevant select committee, or that the government is having a rough time in the Commons over proposed cuts to the armed forces, or that the work and pensions select committee is being inundated by testimony from the public about the effects of government policy:


iMatt said...

People will 'rejoice' at the news of Harry and Megan's upcoming nuptials. And then scan the internet and dastardly foreign press for the inevitable grainy topless pics of the new bride...whilst 'tut tutting' of course.

Rivo said...

Anon 1: Theresa May has said no to a bonus bank holiday. However given her record I think we can expect her to flip-flop at least twice between now and then, especially if there's some bad news to bury...

Simon said...


The other certainty will be the people who say the Royal Family should be abolished etc but probably won't be saying to their boss that they'll work the bank holiday.

Anonymous said...


Dead fucking right I wouldn't work a bank holiday.

The "boss" (read: thieving shyster) already rips off everybody who works there. Why should anybody further subsidise his robbery?

Maybe we should all freeze earnings for another ten years. Just to help out you understand.

After all, Harry and Meghan are in this with us aren't they?......And if you believe that, you're probably boss at knuckling your forehead and bowing your knee - in the 21st century.