Julia Hartley Dooda Is Jealous

For those familiar with the tedious and overbearing righteousness of Talk Radio host Julia Hartley Brewer, the last thing to which they would expect her to fall victim is jealousy. After all, Ms Hartley Dooda wants for nothing - well, apart from More And Bigger Media Appearances For The Benefit Of Herself Personally Now, of course - but now she finds that someone else has something she hasn’t got. And she’s not a happy bunny.

Yes thanks, we know who you are

Kirstie Allsopp, the moderately insistent co-host of Channel 4 property show Location, Location, Location, has, as is her wont, passed forthright and adverse comment on the idea of having one’s washing machine in the kitchen. She considers such a prospect “disgusting”. So, after the Murdoch mafiosi waved a suitably sized paycheque in her general direction, Ms Hartley Dooda was there in the Sun to put Kirstie straight.

“A posh flat, a holiday cottage, a mansion staffed by six… welcome to the wonky world of Kirstie Allsnob … As Mrs Rent-an-Opinion rages against the washing machine, she not only has more money than sense, but also more rooms”. As Derek Jameson might have asked, “Did Julia Hartley Dooda just call out someone else for having an opinion? She surely did”. Someone’s house wasn’t big enough to put it anywhere else. Oh dear!

“It’s all thanks to Kirstie Allsopp, host of Channel 4 property series Location, Location, Location - who has single-handedly sent Britain into a spin cycle over where we wash our dirty laundry … The uber-posh Kirstie has landed herself in hot soapy water after she expressed her horror at Brits keeping our washing machines in our kitchens … Not surprisingly, a lot of proud folk got into a lather over this oh-so-grand pronouncement”.

Well, I don't know who she is, and I don't care, either

Like who? I certainly didn’t: the Zelo Street washing machine sits in the utility room out the back. Convenient for hanging stuff out to dry on the rotary drier in the garden. But Ms Hartley Dooda was by now off and running: “As the daughter of the sixth Baron Hindlip, the Honourable Kirstie Allsopp, as she should correctly be titled, has since claimed her tweet was tongue-in-cheek … But it proved that she, like many a privileged toff before her, doesn’t just have more money than sense but more rooms than sense too”.

And then comes the admission. “Like pretty much everyone else in Britain I keep my washing machine where God intended   in the kitchen … Why? Because, like pretty much everyone else in Britain, I don’t have anywhere else to put it”. Oh! The shame!!

It gets worse. A lot worse. “And anyway, what’s so ‘disgusting’ about washing your dirty clothes in the same room as you wash your dirty dishes?” No way! Yes, the Zelo Street dishwasher is also out there in the utility room. Together with the dryer.

Anyway, back to the jealousy. “A shortage of rosemary and sea salt focaccia bread at her local Waitrose is the biggest problem in her life”. There’s an own goal for you: if she’s so well up on what can be found at the local Waitrose, it’s a pound to a penny that Ms Hartley Dooda shops there too. Now who’s calling “snob” on others?

Still, good to know I won’t have to risk bumping into her down the local Aldi. Small mercies, and all that.