Carrie Tells Bozo Cain Not Able

We are barely a month and a half away from the end of the Brexit transition period. The country is gripped by a second wave of the Coronavirus pandemic. Across the North Atlantic, the fall of Combover Crybaby Donald Trump continues. But the focus of our Government has been distracted by a fur fight in 10 Downing Street.

Would you Adam and Eve who's going?

Yesterday, it emerged that Carrie Symonds, still fiancée to alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, had waded in to block the appointment of Lee Cain as Bozo’s head of communications. Then, later in the day, all hell broke loose as Cain resigned. Chief polecat Dominic Cummings briefly considered his position, but decided to stay, if only for the irreplaceable combination of power and money.

Sebastian Payne of the FT set the scene. “Inside No10: ‘It’s all falling apart in there, it’s far worse than the outside world realises’. A furious battle is underway over Boris Johnson’s aide Lee Cain, who has the PM’s ear and the future of his government”. Interesting wording there. Christopher “No” Hope of the Telegraph relayed Cummings’ brinkmanship.

“Westminster is hugely febrile tonight. A Conservative MP phones to say there is a ‘massive bust up going on in Number 10’ right now between Dominic Cummings and the PM. The MP says Mr Cummings has told the PM ‘if I go am taking these people with me’, referring to other aides”. He didn’t. And nor did they. Bluff called.

Former London Mayoral candidate Siobhan Benita summed up: “Cain doesn’t like [Allegra] Stratton. Carrie doesn’t like Cain. Cummings doesn’t like Carrie or Stratton. In the midst of a global pandemic when we are crying out for strong leadership, Number 10 has descended into Albert Square”. SHAT EET! LEEAVE IT AHT!! NOT ON MY MANNAH!!!

Then BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg brought even worse news. “Dominic Cummings is NOT following Lee Cain out Number 10 door - PM's most senior advisor is staying on for now, despite departure of his close colleague, Mr Cain - understood to want to stay to work to combat coronavirus pandemic and in [particular] accelerate the mass testing programme”. So that’s test and trace screwed, then.

Meanwhile, former DfE advisor Sam Freedman mused “Spare a thought for James Forsyth watching No 10 implode in a war between his wife and his best source”, before adding “Going to be some *awkward* encounters in the Islington branch of Gail’s”.

All of which made some observers wonder just who was in charge of this particular kindergarten, and how accountable they all were to We The People. Louise Raw, who you can tell as she’s a doctor, concluded that person was Carrie Symonds: “this is an abuse of democracy. No one elected her. This isn’t a flipping reality show where you get a job if you date a cast member”. But it could be worse, as one Tweeter pointed out in response.

“Who does she think she is, Sarah Vine?” Be careful what you wish for. Because, by next Spring, you could get just that. And still be saddled with the Polecat and his pals.

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