I’m A Celebrity – Watch My Spinners!

[Updates, two so far, at end of post]

Nothing, but nothing, that happens in the strange parallel universe inhabited by Mid Bedfordshire’s Tory MP (yes, it’s her again) Nadine Dorries should surprise anyone, not least her arrival in Brisbane last night prior to appearing in the latest series of the ITV show I’m A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here, for which she managed to forget to ask the permission of her party’s whips.

That she was up to something was clear when the Dorries Twitter feed went quiet on Sunday morning – and stayed quiet, which is most unusual. But for an MP with a rock-solid majority, but an occasionally fractious relationship with her party, to go AWOL with votes on budgets and the EU coming up, this is not a clever move. Indeed, after seeing off the Boundary Commission, it looks bizarre.

Moreover, local Tories don’t seem to have known what she was up to, either. So if Young Dave and his sidekick, the Rt Hon Gideon George Oliver Osborne, heir to the Seventeenth Baronet, were to let it be known that they would rather see a fresher and younger face representing the people of Ampthill and Flitwick next time round, the various local parties might not object so loudly.

Added to Ms Dorries’ legendary ability to casually and maliciously smear others, her apparent lack of regard for Parliament and her constituents could mean having to look elsewhere for her primary source of income come 2015 – or even earlier. But this minor fact has not been allowed to enter in the world of Nadine’s little helpers out there on the right, who have been spinning the event for all they are worth.

OK, all they are worth may not be much, but you have to give them A for effort, especially the odious flannelled fool Henry Cole at the Guido Fawkes blog, who has obediently and grovellingly penned a post about the event which refers to Ms Dorries as “Nadine” three times, and promises to watch the show. Master Cole’s puppy-like devotion to her has not gone unnoticed.

Also spinning for the MP is the routinely clueless Tim Montgomerie at ConHome, who claims that this is a way for Tory MPs to reach a new audience. Yes, Monty, one that treats them as even greater figures of ridicule than the one they currently enjoy. “If that's where the people are, that's where she thinks MPs should be too” says Monty. Where the people are, Mr M, is in her constituency. And she won’t be.

But to really take the biscuit, you have to look no further than Raheem “call me Ray” Kassam, pretentious contributor to the serially dishonest group rantfest that is The Commentator. “I think Nadine Dorries understands that with publicity ... she can do more for conservatism than whingeing Tweeters” blusters the puffed-up and self-important clown. Keep spinning, Ray – we need a good laugh.

But they’re all wrong: this is a seriously bad career move. It can only end in tears.

[UPDATE1 1910 hours: Sky News ("first for breaking wind") has brought the glad tidings that Ms Dorries has been suspended from the Tory Party until she presents herself to the chief whip and explains herself. Let joy be unconfined.

Sadly, though, her spinners have taken the news badly. Tim Montgomerie, who for some reason knew about her flight to Australia some months ago while her constituency association and the party leadership did not, has called the move "stupid" and asserted that the local party should be left to decide. The whole point, Monty, is that they have been given a combination of huge hint and green light. So they will indeed decide.

And at the Guido Fawkes blog, the buffoon Henry Cole, still referring to his pal merely as "Nadine" (aw bless!), asks of the party leadership "Something bugging them?" to which the answer is yes - one of their MPs is a total sodding liability and they've woken up to the need to get shot of her.

Expect Nadine Dorries to be duly removed as prospective candidate for Mid Bedfordshire before the next General Election, kicking and screaming and blaming everyone else bar herself. No change there, then]

[UPDATE2 7 November 1640 hours: the Fawkes blog, in the person of Master Cole, has obediently recycled an ITV publicity photo of Ms Dorries with "Go Nads!" (geddit?!?!?) splashed across it.

Observant readers will see that this has been categorised as "Totty Watch". Quite apart from the laddish and sexist nature of that, someone seems to have forgotten that Nadine Dorries is 55. And, once again, it's more than a little unsettling to see the fawning of a young man in his mid-20s for someone of A Certain Age.

But interesting to see ITV having the airbrush to hand, and the Fawkes blog choosing not to notice]