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Saturday 3 October 2020

Priti Patel’s New Spokesman Speaks

After Brexit Party Oberscheissenführer Nigel “Thirsty” Farage first whined about small groups of refugees arriving on the South Coast in inflatable boats, and then toured the country whipping up hatred against a series of hotels that were temporarily housing those seeking asylum in the UK, Priti Patel, who has inexplicably been appointed Home Secretary, had to out-bigot him. And so it came to pass.

She was going to consider housing these people thousands of miles away. Or in another country (without asking first). Perhaps disused ferries could be stationed offshore. And while all of this was under consideration, she would Get Very Tough Indeed. There would be deportations. These would then be briefed to suitable press conduits.

And there is no more eager press conduit than the odious flannelled fool Master Harry Cole, now pretending to be political editor of the Murdoch Sun. So it was that he dutifully told “Home Office deportation flight this morning saw just ONE returned to France. 29 were pulled off the flight, including 18 last minute human rights applications. Some had weeks and months to put these claims in but only did so when faced with going back to France”.

All humans get human rights! Who knew? Then Bella Sankey corrected him. “None had weeks or months to put their claims in because they are only provided with an opportunity to speak with a lawyer at the 11th hour and sometimes not even then”. Mark George QC approved. “Well said Bella. Mr Cole represents a pile of toilet paper masquerading as a propaganda sheet. Like all good toilet paper, its only place is in the sewer”.

Would Master Cole care to prostrate himself before the Tories a little more? You betcha, says Sarah. “HO spokesman: ‘These claims are very often baseless and entirely without merit.. on this morning’s flight we received a large number of first time human rights claims, which have to be given appropriate periods of consideration.’

One Tweeter noted. “This is called the rule of law Harry. The rue of law on which Britain is based means courts can decide on violations, not minister's arbitrary whims cheered on by hacks in the press. If you don’t like it go somewhere else without the rule of law”.

Master Cole’s less than totally moral stance - as well as his inability to interrogate his sources - caused the Tweeter known as Sue and John to call him out. “[Harry Cole] had a very privileged upbringing compared to most people, and will do practically anything to ensure that he retains that privilege, for him and his class. The phrase 'punching down' doesn't even get close to describe his selfish immorality”. Got it in one.

Moreover, his stance was not making friends or influencing people in the legal arena, as the Secret Barrister added “[Bella Sankey] has been on fire in the past 24 hours putting out #FakeLaw claims about immigration law all over the media. Please share her vital corrections”. Fake claims which come from Priti Patel’s spokespeople and are then relayed in true obedient client journalist style - unquestioningly - by the likes of Master Cole.

I don’t need to call out Master Cole for lack of morals. He does that so well himself.

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Anonymous said...

What a pair.

Ugli Patel and Hamster Face Cole.

A soap opera of far right shitehawks.

David said...

"Cole was once in a relationship with Carrie Symonds,[14] the fiancée of Prime Minister Boris Johnson. Ultimately, this was his greatest achievement, which says a lot."

Jonathan said...

Pritti is a bit busy this week with her batshit immigration detention plans being leaked to supportive newspapers, anything to do with the bullying report by the Cabinet Office which is overdue for publishing by Bozza the Clown?

Whispers coming from the Village is that the report pretty much is bad news for Pritti and it could be it's time for the backbenches once more.

Malcolm Armsteen said...

Tim my dear fellow, Harry Cole is doing his job and doing it well. Leave it alone old sport.

If only I could get Winegums on a flight out of the country.

Johnspartacusanonymous said...

Pretty evident that Ms Symonds has a strong stomach/is able to suppress her gag reflex. With any luck the noxious piglet Cole will succumb to the likely ailments that his florid chubbiness suggests.

Adam Jones said...

Can we just bin Malcolm off the comments section please? He's rancid.