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Tuesday 28 July 2020

Widders Demands Parallel Universe

Typical of those happy Brexiteers who want the Government to make its own rules unencumbered by all those rotten foreigners in Brussels, only to let slip that what they really mean is they want to please themselves, short-term MEP Ann Widdecombe has decided that she wants nothing to do with the idea of wearing a face covering in shops.
So it was that she was given a platform by the Daily Brexit, still called the Express, to talk well, but lie badly, about the Covid-19 pandemic, telling readers “SO MUCH for Boris Johnson's ‘land of liberty’. Since June 15 people have been visiting all manner of shops without masks and coronavirus continues to decline”. The number of infections has, in fact, begun to rise again. And many were already wearing face coverings. But do go on.

Yet, the Government has now decreed we must all wear masks in shops. Science is divided over the effectiveness of masks and the disease is in retreat”. Science is NOT divided, and Covid-19 is NOT in retreat. Minor points, though, eh? But she is prepared to be magnanimous. “I could have accepted this had it been advisory rather than compulsory and enforceable by law”. I’m sure Covid-19 works on this basis too. Or rather not.

But it is her brilliant idea to square this particular circle that has just come to the attention of a wider public, thanks to the New European. “Perhaps shops should allow certain hours when the mask dissenters can shop unmuzzled in the same way as they have allocated special times to the elderly”. Ah, the law should not apply during certain times of the day in order to allow lawbreakers free rein. The possibilities are endless.

There could be a No Speed Limit Hour on the motorway network. Or a No Alcohol Or Drug Test Hour late in the evening to allow pissed and/or stoned drivers to get back from the alehouse or snorting session without risking being pulled over and nicked for it. Maybe there could also be a Take A Dump On The Pavement hour, or a Pissing Highest Up The Wall hour, without the risk of being apprehended for participating.

The problem, of course, is that any or all of these could spread disease, or even death and injury, although there could be useful marginal ticket revenue to be had from the Nigel Farage Tribute Excessive Beer Consumption Washing Down Half A Dozen Pickled Eggs And Five Bags Of Crisps Followed By Ceremonial Projectile Vomiting Hour.
Widders’ problem is that she wants her own parallel universe where she and her pals get to please themselves, thus demonstrating that it was never about Europe, but just about enjoying the privilege of avoiding all those ghastly rules and regulations which should only affect the little people. Sadly for her, Covid-19 does not award privilege to the powerful, as alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson discovered.

And although Ann Widdecombe might dislike the idea of face coverings, the fact remains that those in her age group (she’s 73 this year) are the ones most at risk from Covid-19. The face covering rule is for her own good, although this is a concept she clearly finds challenging. She might want to put herself in the nearest ICU, but the Government, emergency services, and NHS staff, would rather she desisted.

Widders should stick to being a comedy turn. She’s marginally more credible that way.
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Anonymous said...

Widdecombe has two severe problems:

1. Chronic stupidity


2. A voice like a rogue whoopee cushion.

Arnold said...

Perhaps she could have her own supermarket slot. The chances of my encountering her are low, but why take chances?

grim northerner said...

Patriotism really is the last refuge of the scoundrel. I'm not an authoritarian hypocrite who defines freedom as pleasing myself whilst pissing on those I deem inferior, no, I am a patriot!

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous who isn't me

When I was very young (8) and I'd see politicians on the telly, I wondered how they got to be so clever that they could deal with all these incredibly difficult issues.

Decades later, I wonder how the electorate could be so stupid as to vote for ANY of these charlatans.

iMatt said...

No one LIKES wearing a face mask as such. However, even if it is later found out the authorities were being overzealous with regards face masks, where is the actual harm caused? What the likes of Widdecombe, Farage, Banks and others want is to give two fingers to the law whether it emanates from Westminster or Brussels.

Anonymous said...

@grim northerner

"an authoritarian hypocrite who defines freedom as pleasing myself whilst pissing on those I deem inferior"

Quite literally in the case of anti-BLM wankers.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone remember that eccentric character from years ago, the Naked Rambler? He used to walk round naked in public places and kept getting arrested. According to the wiki he's been done 30 times for public nudity.

So if wearing no pants can get you tossed in the slammer, then perhaps wearing no covering in the middle of a global pandemic might at least get a small punishment?

Either that or we surround Ann every time she goes out with blokes wearing no strides.

Anonymous said...

"even if it is later found out the authorities were being overzealous with regards face masks"

It won't. Both the police and the supermarkets have issued statements passing the buck to each other for enforcing the rules. The freedumb crowd are just doing their part to distract us from the facts in front us. See also the entirety of 'news' 'reporting' since 2015, if not forever.