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Monday 27 July 2020

Boris Admits He Is Seriously Overweight

A new promotional video has been produced by the Ministry of Propaganda, featuring yet another sympathetic and moving portrayal of The Great Leader as he proclaims to his obedient subjects the new fitness crusade upon which he exhorts us all to embark. The video is accompanied by suitably relaxing music, and the thought enters that it may also have had Carrie Symonds in close proximity, just to make sure.
Yes, alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson has told his adoring public that they have to get fit. He does not, however, dwell on specifics, especially when it comes to the amount of extra poundage that he has been carrying around, and, whisper it quietly, still is carrying around. He confirms he is no taller than 5’ 10”, and that he has lost “at least a stone”, but we are not told from where he started.

Where that point might be, the Telegraph hinted at in June last year. “Boris Johnson has revealed that he put on weight again due to the relentlessness of the leadership campaign. Having previously lost 12 pounds in just two weeks after cutting out alcohol and ‘late night binges of chorizo and cheese’, Mr Johnson said he was now back up to ‘about 15 and a half [stone]’. However, he noted: ‘I was 16 and a half, so I’ve made progress.’

After Bozo has his near-death experience with Covid-19, the Murdoch Times told readersObesity is blamed for Johnson’s coronavirus suffering … Boris Johnson was so badly affected by coronavirus because he is ‘significantly’ overweight, a doctor said yesterday. Aseem Malhotra, a cardiologist, said that risk of death from the disease increased ten-fold if the patient is obese”. Again, the 16 and a half stone figure is mentioned.

How overweight is that? Well, I’m taller than Bozo - but not by very much - and tip the scales at twelve and a half stones. I am overweight, but not by very much. The PM, when he was hospitalised, weighed probably four stones more, or 56 pounds if you prefer. Not only was he seriously overweight, losing a stone of that means he is still seriously overweight. Which may explain the less than total candour of the latest video.
Note also that, although he claims to be going out for early morning runs, he is not depicted running. Worse, the exhortation to get fit does not sit well with what his next door neighbour in Downing Street has just done: Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak has launched the “Eat out to help out” campaign, which gives money off, er, fast food, among other restaurant offerings. Mixed messages not addressed by that video.

None of which has been picked up by a compliant press, which has taken Bozo’s “Losing weight is hard but with some small changes we can all feel fitter and healthier. If we all do our bit, we can reduce our health risks and protect ourselves against coronavirus - as well as taking pressure off the NHS” and run with it, the Evening Standard being typical.

So nobody is making the obvious point: Boris Johnson talks the talk, gets his propaganda into the papers, the broadcasters pick it up and amplify it, his fans duly fawn over his efforts, but no-one does their sums and points out that he is still seriously overweight.

Media fails to do its job once again, film at 11. I’ll just leave that one there.
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11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I look forward to Allson Pearson's column questioning the science behind Matt Hancock's making a link between the push to reduce obesity levels and reducing the strain on health services if there is a second wave of coronavirus this winter.

Since she loves the anecdotal approach, she could talk about the time she was having relationship difficulties with her husband and how, after he started to have erection difficulties, she bought him some Viagra. Only to find he'd bought her a treadmill.

I’m here all week; don’t forget to tip your waiter.

Anonymous said...

Using those figures, Bozo's BMI comes to 31.

Which is obese.

Which makes him a fat, lying, incompetent twat.

Alright, I added the last two bits. But only because they are provable truths.

Simon said...

What on earth is 'no taller than' supposed to mean? Can he not even give us a straight answer on a matter of scientific fact?

I'm guessing it means he's actually a bit shorter than that which would of course push the BMI figure higher.

Arnold said...

He used to be filmed running. Now he's taking the dog out for a shit.

Anonymous said...

That's no way to speak of Carrie Symonds.

Anonymous said...

The thing I loved about Boris was his libertarianism. Now he's turned into a socialist I know what is good for you and you will do it on pain of suffering Nanny.

My local cake shop, a small independent concern, was today offering half-price fresh cream cakes. Soon to be an arrestable hate crime I presume. Encouraging nurses get even fatter.

But I will support any tax on Greggs, them alone!

Anonymous said...

"The thing I loved about Boris was his libertarianism. Now he's turned into a socialist"

Poor you. Here's a song for you that I'll play on the world's smallest violin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YJmuPSLrbk

It's been said before but I'll repeat it
Don't you feel like you've been cheated?
It's been shoved down your throats, you eat it
They say it's true, you believe it
Small parts isolated and destroyed
See the big boys play with their toys
There is one thing I will never do
Trust you
There's one thing that I have learned
All god's children will get burned
And if it comes down to me or you
Who do you think I will choose?
What's the deal? 50% of the door?
Well, then, come on in, come on in for more
What's that you say, we get a guarantee?
Then fuck right off, you mean nothing to me

Anonymous said...

Are you suggesting that the PM should have said boo to Nanny?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lIJB1femUE

grim northerner said...

Hey nanny no!

Anonymous said...

Can I just pause there to read out some texts on obesity

Dear Richard

The thing I loved about Boris was his libertarianism. Now he's turned into a socialist I know what is good for you and you will do it on pain of suffering Nanny.

My local cake shop, a small independent concern, was today offering half-price fresh cream cakes. Soon to be an arrestable hate crime I presume. Encouraging nurses get even fatter.

But I will support any tax on Greggs, them alone!

I don't like it

Anonymous said...

"But I will support any tax on Greggs, them alone!"

They will have paid more in tax anyway, thanks to the increase in their annual revenues:

“Thanks Piers Morgan!” - that’s the message from Greggs boss Roger Whiteside to the man who has helped the Newcastle firm make headlines with its vegan bakes.

The vegan sausage roll, the firm’s fastest-selling product in the last six years, was launched in January 2019, with customers clamouring to get their hands on them. Their sales helped Greggs to serve up a big rise in annual revenues, while the late-night launch of the vegan steak bake attracted long queues on New Year’s Day.

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/thanks-piers-morgan-greggs-boss-17533528