Boris + Carrie Wedding WASN’T

And so we have arrived at the month of September: summer is all but over, with a long and tortuous few months of Covid-19, Brexit and recrimination to follow. Amid all the excitement, which has included the king-size dead cat of what will feature at the Last Night of the much-slimmed-down BBC Proms, pundits’ attention has strayed from the one event that would have filled the papers, and which was pencilled in for August.

Carrie Symonds

That event was the marriage of alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson and Ms Carrie Symonds. Yes, Bozo and Carrie did take a brief holiday together last month, but it was not a honeymoon. It’s a far cry from the Beeb’s announcement last February that the couple had become engaged. Marriage rumours began soon afterwards.

In early May, the Murdoch Sun told readers “BORIS Johnson and Carrie Symonds announced the birth of their first child together in April - and now the engaged couple can officially start planning their wedding … they revealed that they would be getting married in summer this year”. In July, iNews was rather more specific about the date.

“Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds rumoured to be planning summer wedding after restrictions ease … Prime Minister does not deny he’s about to take advantage of new rules allowing larger wedding receptions with up to 30 guests from 1 August … Speculation was fuelled on Sunday when the Prime Minister did not deny they would get married in August during an interview to mark his one year anniversary in Downing Street this week”. Well, August has been and gone, and the wedding, er, hasn’t.

Why this should be is not hard to fathom: even before Bozo had secured the leadership of the Tory Party, and the keys to 10 Downing Street with it, there had been a monumental bust-up between him and Ms Symonds at the flat in south-east London they were sharing at the time. This was then dismissed as “remainer propaganda” because the concerned neighbours had (a) told the Guardian, and (b) had voted Remain in the EU referendum.

Following that came news that at least two newspapers were sitting on a story revealing at least one extra-curricular dalliance by Bozo. The discovery of that dalliance by Ms Symonds is the most likely cause of the monumental late-night domestic. The papers concerned declined to publish: memories of John Whittingdale returned.

Now rumours are swirling that Bozo has strayed from the straight and narrow once more, this time with a woman younger even than Ms Symonds. And here a problem enters: it is also rumoured that another of those Non-Disclosure Agreements may have been signed by the person concerned, thus limiting what can be reported. But one thing is clear.

There hasn’t been any marriage, and there are no signs of one being arranged. The Coronavirus pandemic means there will be no actual Tory Party Conference this year, and so no need for Bozo to pony up a happy partner for the party faithful to see. But come the New Year, or even earlier, his party may run out of patience with him.

Being Prime Minister is supposed to be a serious job. And Bozo ain’t making it.

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