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Saturday 19 September 2020

Priti Patel - Not To Be Sniffed At

Proving that it is easier to play to the gallery than to actually do the day job, Priti Patel, who has inexplicably been appointed Home Secretary, has had a brilliant idea. Well, there was a brilliant flash of some kind; perhaps it was a short circuit. The idea played very well with our free and fearless press, and her fellow Tory MPs, until the thought entered that the idea had the capacity to come back and bite them in a very tender place indeed.

That idea is random workplace testing for Class A drugs. Including no doubt smack, snow, crack, acid, ecstasy, ice and many others. This initially got a positive write-up from the Murdoch Sun, which told “FIRMS could be forced to randomly test for Class A drugs in a bid to stamp out cocaine use by office staff. Home Secretary Priti Patel said demand from middle-class users fuelled county lines networks that use children as runners”.

There was more. “She said the Government would look at the nationwide implementation of proposals by Tory London mayoral candidate Shaun Bailey, who aims to blitz coke use in the capital. If elected, he would require firms with 250-plus staff to sign a drug-testing charter. Results would be published regularly to identify firms with most users. Ms Patel told The Sun: ‘I back any techniques that will reduce drug crime’”.

But then, to no surprise, the mood music changes. “THE ‘county lines’ gangs are a scourge Home Secretary Priti Patel is right to ­target. But forcing firms to drug-test staff is not a policy Tories should champion … It’s not just the extra burden and cost it loads on businesses, without any proof it would cut middle-class cocaine use. It’s that it’s another sinister assault on ordinary people’s freedoms”. Get that back-pedalling moving!

The mood then darkens. “This disturbing authoritarianism is the trademark of left-wing regimes. It is shocking to see Tories advocate it”. Should this surprise anyone? After all, the Sun article is headlined “END OF THE LINE”, it defaults to talking about cocaine, and seems to know an awful lot about sniffing the stuff. It is not hard to figure out why.

If firms with 250 or more employees had to test staff for Class A drugs, News UK, Associated Newspapers and other media players would be in deep doo-doo. Cocaine use among the media class is endemic. So is getting away with it (pace Toby Young). Had the drug testing been confined to less well off people who are not white, the Murdoch mafiosi would have cheered it to the rafters. But the thought of it snaring their own - no way.

Nor are Ms Patel’s Parliamentary colleagues (the Tories are the only party with more than 250 MPs) going to take kindly to such an idea. Former Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne’s past use of snow is well known, as are the occasions he turned up for PMQs looking just a little out of it. And then there is Michael “Oiky” Gove.

The man who would succeed alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is on record confessing to a past relationship with Charlie. He is unlikely to be alone in this endeavour. Bozo himself has admitted taking the stuff. Well, sort of.

All this shows is that Shaun Bailey is an appallingly bad choice as the Tories’ candidate for the London Mayoralty. Expect Ms Patel to bin this one. And sooner rather than later.

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Arnold said...

"So as Mayor, I’ll ask businesses with over 250 employees to carry out regular and anonymised drug tests.”
Ask? And if they tell you to stick the tests where the sun doesn't shine?
Anonymised? Then it's just a statistical exercise.

Anonymous said...

Pritti Vacunt appears to have excluded testing for PCP. I wonder why. What's she hiding?

Anonymous said...

Hahaha this is actually hilarious ....

Jonathan said...

I am reminded of the fabulous tune from way back in 1984 by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five 'White Lines Don't Do it'

One of the verses sums quite succiently the hypocrisy of Pritti Vacant and Shaun 'Nice Tory' Bailey

'A street kid gets arrested, gonna do some time
He got out three years from now just to commit more crime
A businessman is caught with 24 kilos
He's out on bail and out of jail
And that's the way it goes

Couldn't put it more clearly..

Anonymous said...

"A brilliant flash"?

Maybe someone lit one of her farts in the hope that she'd blow up.

Gimli said...

I've had coke, and I can only cringingly pray that it didn't have exactly the same effect on me as I've seen it do to others. 'Delusions of grandeur' doesn't quite cover the attitude you get, nor does 'near psychopathic lack of empathy'. I've called it the c*nt drug for years now because of that, taking my cue from the original Nathan Barclay. You see it and hear it and recognise it in all of them, from the lowliest proto-Rod-Liddle all the way to the very, very top (Dominic Cummings)

Johnspartacusanonymous said...

The Parliamentary Conservative Party ?

Neville said...

"All this shows that Shaun Bailey is an appallingly bad choice as the Tories' candidate for the London Mayoralty."

Yeah, right...and Sadiq Khan is doing such a great job as Mayor at the moment. He has been an utter failure, continually criticising the government while he has repeatedly failed to tackle the increase in crime in the capital.

Unknown said...


Nuff said.

Anonymous said...


From Wikipedia: "PCP, also known as angel dust among other names, is a drug used for its mind-altering effects. PCP may cause hallucinations, distorted perceptions of sounds, and violent behavior." I understand your confusion of the effects of the drug with those of membership of the Parliamentary Conservative Party.

Anonymous said...

Yeah it's like the Wolf of Wall St out there in UK office land they're mad for it!

Jonathan said...

Maybe Pritti Vacant would like to tackle the huge amounts of snow falling in the Commons toilets and up MPs and Parliamentary staff's nasal cavities.

Maybe Oiky Gove could have a word with his dealer .

Sam said...

Pritti examples why I am not against so many lawyers becoming MPs as their major role is of course creating laws & legislation so experience should help, one thinks.
Surely a very major position like Home Secretary requires a good legal mind and Ms Patel's only experience in life seems to be that of party hack (a reasonable position) and a career in the dodgy practice of "public relations". The only experience I've had with Cocaine was with my well heeled Tory pals in the late 70s. Working class folk could only dream of a Cocaine filled night.

grim northerner said...

Khan isn't a Tory candidate you point-missing fuckwit.

Anonymous said...

As has been pointed out before, Pritti Vacunt got promoted because she is part of "a class of persons, Indian in blood and colour, but English in taste, in opinions, in morals, and in intellect. To that class we may leave it to refine the vernacular dialects of the country, to enrich those dialects with terms of science borrowed from the Western nomenclature, and to render them by degrees fit vehicles for conveying knowledge to the great mass of the population."


Jonathan said...

Whoever is Mayor would be better off tackling the major social issues that are behind crime...

Poverty, unemployment, housing and raising educational opportunities.

Spending resources on the police is a complete waste of time.