Bozo Poverty - Cue The Nanoviolin

The attempts to make all those people who are Just About Managing have sympathy for alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson and his having to live on a mere £160,000 a year may be starting to grate, such are the blatant double standards on show, but what is clear, as the Daily Mail has got out the king-size onion once more, is that voters are being softened up for Bozo’s imminent departure from 10 Downing Street.

That today’s whingefest may have Bozo’s blessing should not be in doubt, after the name of Andrew Pierce (speaking as a gay man) appeared on the by-line. Pierce does not call himself @toryboypierce for nothing, and the headline tells you all you need to know. “Who'll bail out Boris? Johnson has taken a vast pay cut to be PM, his ex-wife Marina Wheeler is 'cleaning him out' in expensive divorce, he's unable to afford a nanny - and is forced to pay for every No10 meal himself”. No-one is forcing him to pay for anything.

He has to pay when someone else does the cooking - rather as you or I would have to do on visiting a restaurant. If he could be arsed doing his own cooking, he wouldn’t have to, but then, Bozo is terminally lazy at most things, so he’s more than likely never bothered to figure out so much as heating a can of baked beans in the microwave.

But on ploughs the Mail. “Can it really be true that with a salary of £150,000 Mr Johnson does not have enough spare cash to host a few friends to help him unwind from the cares of office? Certainly in recent weeks there have been increasing murmurs about his financial plight and its effect on both his physical and mental well-being”. Yeah, right.

Tell that to all those folks who have to buy their kids second-hand school uniforms, can’t afford a car and don’t have the money to eat out. But do go on: “at Downing Street, while Boris has the services of a cleaner, there is no housekeeper. There is no nanny for Wilfred because, says a friend, 'they can't afford one’”. Do without like ordinary folks, then.

We then read “Boris's divorce from long-suffering QC wife Marina Wheeler pivoted on the finances … The settlement with his former wife is estimated to have amounted to around £2 million. As a close friend of Boris told us: 'He was cleaned out.’” Marry a lawyer, repeatedly cheat on her, father the odd sprog along the way, repent at leisure.

And talking about his various partners, there is this nugget: “He has to support Carrie, who is not working”. Many young mums would have arranged child care and returned to work. Not Ms Symonds. And we are supposed to sympathise with Bozo for this? Especially when she’s caught lording it at a 5-star hotel in the Italian lakes with her pals last week?

Still, let’s see where the Mail is driving this one. “The danger for Johnson is that gossip about his financial position could make him vulnerable … Unlike his predecessor Theresa May, whose banker husband Philip was highly paid, and David Cameron who was well off through marriage and family connections, Boris has no other income to fall back on”.

Really? Yes, really: “Of course, if he were to stand down as Prime Minister his money problems would be solved at a stroke”. So we’re expected to accept that, having been gifted the job he always wanted, Bozo can just turn tail and run when the UK’s in the mire.

How’s that trust being repaid, first time Tory voters? Don’t all shout at once.

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