Toby Young - Sending Your Kids Back Yet?

The Government is still pushing to have schools reopen at the beginning of next month, suddenly becoming concerned about the mental health of both children and their parents in a way that had previously eluded them. Their problem is that the move is meeting with significant resistance from a range of worried stakeholders, not least at the fact that the move has been entrusted to failed fireplace salesman Gavin “Stupid Boy” Williamson.

So the alleged big guns of the cabinet have been deployed in an effort to move hearts and minds, with Michael “Oiky” Gove appearing, not totally successfully, before the inquisition of the host on The Andy Marr Show™ this morning to tell how he respected all those concerned parents, councils and Trades Union representatives, but that the schools were jolly well going to open and there was little risk. Perhaps.

Look Uncle Arthur, I'm on telly again!

In support of this policy, which has for some inexplicable reason not been followed by the likes of Eton College (not going back until September), a number of variously unconvincing pundits have been putting in their ninepence worth, not least the loathsome Toby Young. He’s been taking aim at anyone on the Labour side who wants safety assurances.

“Can't believe the shadow chancellor says she'll keep her six year-old at home unless Govt provides evidence going to school won't risk harming others. Across the world, there hasn't been a single case of a child under 10 infecting anyone else. What more assurance does she need?” he scoffed, forgetting those pesky people called teachers (as usual).

But he was serious, and to show just how serious, out came the petition. “The UK government and the Scottish devolved government : Reopen schools across the UK in June - Sign the Petition!” But soon the pushback arrived. And, with Tobes’ family including four school age children, he should have seen that coming.

And Mark Gwilliam was one of those asking the inevitable question. “Can we assume you’re comfortable sending your own kids to a state school Tobes? What’s that you say?” Straight question, so how about a straight answer? Is he willing to send his kids back?

Peter Beattie was another trying to get that straight answer. “You've got some great sidekicks toad … Oh by the way you haven't answered yet 4th time You sending your kids to school?” So he’s asked Tobes four times, but not yet received that straight answer?

But he is willing to reply to former Brexit Party MEP Lance Forman, who had sounded mildly sceptical, in typically crawling fashion: “A friend sent me me of your hampers last week, Lance. Best moment of the lockdown so far”. Well, would you know it? Toby Young is quicker to acknowledge a smoked salmon delivery than to let the lower orders know whether he’s willing to send his kids back to school next month.

After all, he’s a very important person, dontcha know? Priorities, priorities, eh Tobes?

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