The Polecat Speaks - Badly

Having busted the lockdown rules that he was instrumental in devising, chief Downing Street polecat Dominic Cummings has decided to keep right on and break a few more. He refuses to be shackled or defined by mere rules. These are for losers, and he is a winner. So it was that he first shredded the unwritten rule, that advisors who become the story must depart the scene. Then came the SpAds’ code of conduct.

“Special advisers must not take public part in political controversy, through any form of statement whether in speeches or letters to the press, or in books, social media, articles or leaflets”. This rule was also for losers; he would take the controversy over his lockdown breaches by the horns and hold his own press conference. In the style of a visiting head of state, he would hold that conference in the Downing Street Rose Garden.

In addition to his recent conduct, there was the matter of a Police complaint logged yesterday about his travel within Durham, in contravention of the lockdown rules. Added to that is request from Alastair Campbell to cabinet secretary Mark Sedwill to clarify “1. Why is [Press Conference] being held there [Downing Street]? 2. Assurance no civil servants involved in support of the event. 3. Any staging and other costs not borne by taxpayer. 4. Investigation of clear breach of special adviser rules on political controversy”.

Polecat Dom was, in accordance with the lack of rules that apply to Himself, fashionably late. More than half an hour late. Lewis Goodall of BBC Newsnight mused “I’d really like to get on with my picnic now”, while LBC host James O’Brien was merely irritated. Very irritated. "This is insane. The lateness is deeply offensive”. And probably deliberate.

The statement was clearly prepared, with David Allen Green concluding “This has been lawyered”. Jon Worth spotted a problem for Dom. “Vomiting statement contradicts what Wakefield has written”. It wasn’t going well, Peter Jukes noting “Oh my god. He's blaming the media for distracting and social media attacks for his behaviour”.

Sympathy? Ross McCafferty was unimpressed. “This is Cummings' big gamble and he seems to be holding a 2 of spades and an expired rail card”. Chris Atkins was aghast. “‘Nobody in London could possibly help us with childcare’ … YOU RUN THE FUCKING COUNTRY … He went to a 2nd home because someone said a nasty thing in the paper”.

He didn’t stop on the way to Durham? Jane Martinson was sceptical. "Minor point but i defy anyone to drive that far with a child in the car and not stop somewhere”. Meanwhile, Paul Waugh of the HuffPost had heard enough. “There we go. Cummings confirms he broke lockdown rules, repeatedly. First at Barnard Castle, then in some woods. He surely has to resign or be sacked over this. He's admitted breaching lockdown. Repeatedly”.

And Owen Jones noticed something else: “Dominic Cummings has so far provided yet another break of lockdown rules - that he went to see his wife who had come down with coronavirus and then returned to work!” Dom blamed the Rotten Meeja again. Waugh noted “No apology from Cummings. Quite extraordinary given what he has just admitted to”. Ian Fraser was there too. “Cummings not apologising or showing any contrition. That's where it's all falling down for him. He insists he has ‘behaved reasonably’”.

Yes, he went to Barnard Castle, after that had been denied. It then got worse, as Jim Pickard of the FT noted: “so unless I’ve misunderstood this the child ended up briefly in a Durham hospital where - if he had had COVID - he could have spread it to patients and staff there?” And Covid-19 may have affected his eyesight. “I’m worried my eyesight is impaired so I’m off for a drive. What can go wrong?” wondered Brian Cathcart.

Then came questions. Jon Worth noted “[Gary Gibbon] again … asking why Johnson had not been concerned about where he had been ... Cummings has no answer. Johnson knew for weeks and weeks”. Peter Jukes added “Boris Johnson knew Mr and Mrs Cummings were deceiving the public for six weeks. See the Mail article that says they went into lockdown in London. The whole of Number 10 would have known the 'Thought for the Day' on BBC Radio 4 hid the truth”. It wasn’t going very well.

Jukes also noted “Cummings admits to telling Johnson about his trip back in April”. Adam Boulton had heard enough. “By his own account Cummings broke the rules (for whatever reason). 2 Other officials involved in lockdown policy did similar and resigned”. But Dom did not even consider resigning. Well, not yet, anyway.

Chris Atkins mused “‘The doctor said I was no longer a threat to public safety’ I think we need a 2nd opinion on that”. James Doleman had coined a new term: “Catastrofuck ™”.

Today it was the Mail that broke ranks with the right-wing press and dumped on Bozo and Dom. Tomorrow, there may be more doing exactly the same thing. Cummings, the master manipulator, was revealed to be a sham, unable to do any more than blame someone else for his own repeated abuse of his own rules. This is not going to end well.

Not unless you are representing the Labour Party, of course. Roll on the next polls.

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