Polecat Says Polecat Didn’t Do It

At the heart of the rolling omnishambles that is the UK Government right now is chief Downing Street polecat Dominic Cummings, someone for whom anything that goes wrong cannot possibly be his fault. The thought that he might be even more inept than alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is not allowed to enter; Dom is a visionary, a truth-seeker and truth-teller. He is beyond reproach.

And that explains why Bozo’s team is such a mess: Polecat Dom is no more up to the job than his boss, but this cannot be admitted. So it must be someone else’s fault. To prove this true, Dom has been scheming to blame the shambles over the Coronavirus pandemic on the Civil Service, and thereby use it as an excuse for wholesale reform.

So it was that Times deputy political editor Steven Swinford told earlier today “No 10 wants to create 'sustainable Government structures’ … It’s talking about a 'rapid re-engineering of Govt structures and institutions’ … It says this is needed to respond to pandemic and 'build new long-term foundations for UK’”. But, as Peter Jukes pointed out, this is not new.

“Never let a crisis go to waste. Quick question: which Government advisor was talking about 're-engineering government structures and institutions' before #COVID19 and was hiring ‘misfits and weirdos’ for a £400m project? How well have they done during the pandemic?” he responded. Cummings has wanted to do this for several years.

He was at it during his time as a SpAd to Michael “Oiky” Gove at the DfE. And the shambles was his doing, and his fault, back then, too. Just to highlight the mess that is the great Dom’s domain, consider today’s daily Covid-19 briefing. Press Gazette initially told that “No questions from journalists allowed as Downing Street turns daily Covid-19 briefing into public Q&A”. Carefully vetted and selected public questions, too, most likely.

But after severely adverse comment at this latest attempt at Soviet-style reimagining of the propaganda landscape, there was a screeching 180º U-Turn. “CORRECTION: No 10 now says they gave us the wrong information earlier and tonight's briefing will be a blend of questions from journalists and the public as normal”. They fouled up, more like.

James O’Brien was mildly sceptical. “More incompetence or a belated recognition of how it would look to exclude journalists?” Meanwhile, the BBC’s Nick Eardley warned of a new policy. “UK Government now advising people in England to wear face-coverings in enclosed spaces. Applies where they can't maintain social distancing and where they are meeting new people (ie shops and public transports). Applies from Wednesday”.

Very bold of them, but once again, it’s another 180º U-Turn, this time forced on Downing Street by an earlier initiative, as the Beeb’s Tom Edwards had already told: “TfL says face coverings should be worn on public transport”. Polecat playing catch-up once more.

No amount of “re-engineering of Government structures and institutions” will rectify that sort of shambolic behaviour. As Abby Tomlinson, who is in the comms industry, put it, “seriously, what on earth is going on in the government comms team?”

Polecat Dom is not the solution. He is the problem. The solution is to boot him out.

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