Mail Polecat Resignation Story IS CRAP

[Update at end of post]

Governments always try to get the Daily Mail on side. In the days when the paper was edited by the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre, Prime Ministers would put aside their reservations over the moralising, the spiteful pursuit of hate figures, the rabid bigotry, the rampant dishonesty, and try to cultivate the Mail. Tony Blair tried and failed; Gordon Brown got on with Dacre but the paper still denounced him. The Tories fared better.

David Cameron let Dacre into Downing Street. Theresa May made the Mail her first media port of call after winning the Tory leadership; Dacre stuck with her. So when the Mail went for the Tories this week over the activities of chief Downing Street polecat Dominic Cummings, it would have struck fear into the empire of alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. They had to get the Mail back on side.

But Bozo’s coterie cannot have imagined how easy it would be to roll over the beast and have it beg for a tummy tickle. And that is what has happened: today’s front page must have been music to Johnson’s ears, proclaiming “Groups of six may meet in public and back gardens … Grandparents can at last see grandchildren … And Boris says yes, it’s time to fire up the barbie … IT’S HAPPY MONDAY!” And there was the Polecat, too.

“Revealed: Cummings ‘set to quit in 6 months’” readers were told. The story even has the imprimatur of Fleet Street veteran Simon Walters. And how an experienced hack like Walters has been taken for a ride may well remain a mystery. Because that’s what has happened: Cummings has no intention of quitting, in six months, or even ever.

But let’s see the finely crafted Polecat excuses. Although the Mail has put the story on its front page, it’s not available online, but others have it, like free sheet Metro “A source, who reportedly knows him well, told the Daily Mail he plans to step back from politics now Brexit has been achieved. They said: ‘Dominic has not decided what to do. He will stay in his job if it seems worthwhile and [he] can improve things - otherwise he probably won’t.’”

Do go on. “The Spectator magazine, where Mr Cummings used to work and where his wife is a commissioning editor, also reported that he could consider himself ‘largely redundant’ by Christmas if he has completed reforms of Whitehall”. Could. Plans to step back. Considering himself. Not decided what to do. The Reuters take is more to the point.

“British Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s senior adviser, Dominic Cummings, is considering quitting later this year, the Daily Mail newspaper reported. Cummings, who faced calls from within the Conservative Party to resign for driving 250 miles … during the coronavirus lockdown, could be out in six months, the newspaper reported, citing sources”.

Sources having most likely been briefed by Cummings himself. This supposed story is crap; perhaps Walters was instructed to lend his name to the byline to give it gravitas. As Jessica Simor has noted, the Polecat was going to leave Johnson’s side last year, the reason being that he was to undergo surgery. He didn’t leave.

But he needs to take the heat off himself, and thereby off Bozo too. What better than to sack himself in six months’ time? Except he won’t do it. He’s a leech and a limpet.

Dominic Cummings is also a bullshitter. Stay clear, hacks. And keep your hands clean.

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[UPDATE 1320 hours: what did I tell you? The BBC's Allie Hodgkins-Brown has now confirmed that the Polecat isn't resigning, telling "The BBC understands the PM’s adviser Dominic Cummings told No 10 officials this morning that there’s no plan for him to leave his post - following press reports he was - & he'll decide after an operation that was delayed again in March".

No plans. Which means the Daily Mail was sold a pup just to get them to lay off Bozo. Dom and his pals will have to hope there are no more of those embarrassing revelations to come - because next time, the inmates of the Northcliffe House bunker will not be quite so forgiving]